10 Clues You Might Be A Hipster; 10 Clues You Might Not Be A Hipster
It’s safe to assume that most people reading my blog couldn’t care less that I am about to post a list that I did not write (which I’ve never done) - you just want to be entertained, I get it. This list is actually from a book called The Hipster Handbook that I recently got my hands on. For those who are daily readers, you know that I have an unnecessary nack for pointing out the flaws in others (i.e. Top 10 Most Obnoxious People at College Bars or Top 10 Chick Repellent Items of 2008). Given the fact that being entertained is all you care about, I am going to assume you don’t mind that I am posting a non-TSF list. In fact, most of you are probably not even reading this sentence right now. What are the odds that most TSF readers even read the paragraphs before lists? Very low - that would be the answer.
The two easiest targets on earth have got to be Hipsters and Frat Guys. Hipsters live and die by not being mainstream and Frat guys live and die by being mainstream. Hipsters are the antithesis of Frat guys - and vice versa. I want to move to Hollywood and pitch a reality show in which Hipsters are forced to shop at shopping malls, watch sports, and drive American made cars - Frat guys are forced to hang out at local 
coffee shops and drive Pruises to Independent movie theaters. Tell me you wouldn’t pay to see Hipsters be force fed a Hamburger while listening to pop radio. But how do I get said Hipsters to engage in such “mainstream” ideals? They certainly wouldn’t accept monetary compensation because having disposable income is so not cool.
Who the hell told these people that it’s acceptable for men to wear women’s jeans? Is that something you really want to tell your grandchildren? You’re lying on your death bed and your daughter is explaining to your 9 year old grandchild that you wore women’s jeans at one point your life. How am I supposed to sit here and buy that you are not gay? Look, if you’re borrowing clothes from your sister, you are in dire need of a reevaluation of your existence. Seriously.
For those of you that made it to the 3rd paragraph of this senseless rant, you may be wondering what a Hipster is:
hip’ster - \hip-stur (s)\n. One who possesses tastes, social attitudes, and opinions deemed cool by the cool. The hipster walks among the masses in daily life but is not a part of them and shuns or reduces to kitsch anything held dear by the mainstream. A Hipster ideally possesses no more than 2% body fat.
10 CLUES YOU MIGHT BE A HIPSTER
1. You graduated from a liberal arts school whose football team hasn’t won a game since the Reagan administration.
2. You frequently use the term “postmodern” (or its commonly used variation “PoMo”) as an adjective, noun, or verb.
3. You carry a shoulder-strap messenger bag and have at one time or another worn a pair of horn-rimmed or Buddy Holly-style glasses.
4. You have refined taste and consider yourself exceptionally cultured, but have one pop vice (Real World, Entertainment Weekly, etc.) that helps define you as “well-rounded”.
5. You have kissed someone of the the same gender and often bring this up in casual conversation.
6. You spend much of your leisure time in bars and restaurants with monosyllabic names like Plant, Bound, and Shine.
7. You bought your dishes and a chekered table cloth at a thrift shop to be kitschy, and often throw vegetarian dinner parties.
8. You have one Republican friend whom you always refer to as your “one Republican friend”.
9. You enjoy complaining about gentrification even though you are responsible for it yourself.
10. Your hair looks best unwashed.
10 CLUES YOU MIGHT NOT BE A HIPSTER
1. You teach Sunday School.
2. You use hair spray and wear pleated paints or pastel dress suits.
3. You are a big fan of the suburbs and vinyl siding.
4. You have a special “spill shirt” that you wear when you eat dinner.
5. You like to watch college football.
6. You read novels with raised lettering on their covers.
7. You like to listen to the Dave Matthews Band while driving your SUV.
8. You enjoy movies that star the Rock or Vin Diesel.
9. You wear holiday themed sweaters.
10. You work in an office building that has a man-made pond and a fountain in its front lot.
These lists were taken from the book Hipster Handbook. I am going to do my best to cite the book although I did not pay attention in 10th grade English and have unfortunately forgotten MLA style citations. The book is under copyright 2002 by Robert Lanham by Anchor Books, a division of Random House in New York. Don’t sue me.
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Your blog looks good. Have a nice day.
-James.
I found your blog just the other day, and I enjoy it! Keep it up …