Megan Fox Wears Birkenstocks and Listens to Melissa Etheridge?
For those taking notes at home: the title is a euphemism for lesbianism. That’s a lot of isms. She’s not exactly wearing Birkenstocks and listening to Melissa Etheridge tunes in her Volvo, but she is the October cover girl for GQ magazine in which she reveals a dirty little secret. I don’t want to turn into one of those websites, but posting this seemed like a no-brainer given the fact that my demographic is hormone driven 15-35 year old men. I feel as though there are a few of you who haven’t heard what Megan Fox said in GQ yet; but not to fret my TSF readers, this is why you waste time at work on my website.
There’s only one problem: I don’t feel like you really gain anything from me regurgitating information from some Hollywood bombshell’s embarrassing past. So in between these Megan Fox quotes, I have placed random educational facts - something that you can carry with you on your travels to impress people on airplanes or to break the ice on a first date. Something you can use. Education comes first here at TSF. OK I’ve made you wait long enough and it’s right about now that your attention begins to diminish. On with what Megan Fox had to say (put the kids to bed for these quotes):
“With any of the Miley Cyrus shit, or any of that Vanessa Hudgens shit - I would never issue an apology for my life and for who I am. It’s like, Oh, I’m sorry I took naked, private pictures that someone is an asshole and sold for money. I’m sorry if someone else is a dick. No, you shouldn’t have to apologize. Someone betrayed Vanessa, but no one’s angry at that person. She had to apologize. I hate Disney for making her do that. Fuck Disney.”
Elephants are the only mammal that can’t jump.
Honey is the only food that does not spoil.
“Rhythm” is the longest English word with no vowels.
Lettuce is the only food that you can ONLY purchase fresh.
Check out the size of a whale shark relative to a human! Whoa!
In reference to her first year living in L.A. at age 18:
“Well, that year my boyfriend broke up with me, and I decided - oh man; sorry Mommy! - that I was in love with this girl that had worked at the Body Shop [a strip club on Sunset Boulevard]. I decided that I was going to get her to love me back, and I went out of my way to create a relationship with this girl, a stripper named Nikita. I was there all the time - I would go there by myself. I bought her things - perfume, body spray, girlie stuff. I turned into a weird middle-aged married man. I felt like I had this need to save Nikita. I’d get lap dances just so I could get to know her, and I’d give her what I thought were great little sound bites of inspiration - like You can do it, you’re better than this! I didn’t want her to be there.”
COLLECTIVE GASP
I really hope suburbanite mothers can get a hold of all the GQs in suburbia ’cause I damn well know that this filth can’t be spread amongst the American youth. What’s next? High schoolers drinking beer in their basements whilst touching each other to promiscuous rap music?
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