TOP 10 CHICK REPELLENT ITEMS OF 2008 | PART 2
Due to the popularity of my Top 10 Chick Repellent Items of 2008 list from a couple months back, I decided that I would need to extend that list into a part 2. Over the past few weeks I have been taking notes in airports and restaurants - doing the research to bring my readers another great list. I don’t make these lists to make fun of people - ok, maybe I do - but honestly, this list is a great way to check yourself. Haven’t we all wondered if that new pair of shoes or that new shirt is acceptable or ugly but no one has every really told us the truth?
TOP 10 CHICK REPELLENT
ITEMS OF 2008 …PT. 2
10. Cellphone Belt Clip
Trends evolve and back when cellphones first came out at the height of those monstrous flip phone’s popularity, it was borderline acceptable for you to sport your badass cellphone belt clip - but only because it was so big and would barely fit in your pocket. It’s 2008, people - your cellphone can fit in your pocket or briefcase with ease.
9. Truck With A Lift
Have you ever heard the saying the bigger a guy’s car, the smaller his package? Well, it’s kinda true - but when people take it to extremes and put a 15 inch on their F-150, they are pushing it. These guys are obviously making up for something.
Exception: you actually need the lift for your profession. Construction workers, loggers, etc. get a free pass here.
8. Bandana
Let’s just go ahead and make a blanket statement and say that anything Brett Michaels wears is automatically considered a chick repellent. Dudes that wear bandanas are either assholes, bald, or both. Never should a rational human being wake up, look in the mirror, and decide that a bandana is the way to go.
7. Scooter/Moped
I can see myself driving a MoPed, but only under a few circumstances - such as renting one in Venice or being too poor to afford a car. But just because I can see myself driving a MoPed doesn’t make it a chick magnet. They are extremely embarrassing and if I drove one I would do whatever it takes to not let chicks know of that fact.
6. Earrings
Let it be known on this here list that at TSF we do have an “exception to every rule” policy. It is a known fact that black people are inherently cooler than white people. We have copied them for decades and still they are much much cooler. Black dudes that have the cash can pull off the bling earrings - white dudes, however, cannot. Sorry guys, but it’s true. It may have been cool for like 7 minutes on your Senior year spring break - but you’re 30 now … seriously.
5. Fanny Pack or “Manbag”
This is the most obvious entry to Chick Repellent Items Pt.2. Fanny packs have been the butt of many jokes for years. First they were worn by hippies, then nerds - now I don’t even know who wears them. Some subculture that I am unaware of probably. That and Asian tourists. Just wear a damn backpack.
As far as “hand bags” or “man bags” go - no …… just no. I don’t care if you’re a male model in Italy or you read in GQ that it’s acceptable. Look at the dude in that picture and tell me he’s not gay. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that).
4. Short Sleeve Button-Up With Tie
The official outfit of nerds. Never never NEVER NEVER is this acceptable, people. Anyone who wears this get-up needs to be emailed this list immediately. I don’t care if you live on the equator and you walk to work on a goddamn dirt road in 110 degree heat, if you’re wearing a tie - long sleeves is a must. Never try to justify this - it’s not possible. No dude has ever gotten a chick wearing his nerd outfit.
3. Socks With Sandals
Just like the above entry, this fashion faux pas is highly taboo and honestly just straight up fugly. You are completely negating the reason for wearing sandals. If it’s too cold to wear sandals - then put on shoes for Christ’s sake. Never will you be accepted into society making a mockery of yourself in this manner.
2. Dip/Chewing Tobacco
This should just be overtly obvious. When you are packing that pinch of dip into the inside of your lower lip and you start druelling the color brown, never have you been so appalling. I’ve never met a woman in my entire life that would slap uglies with a dip in your cancer-ridden lower lip. Welcome to reality.
1. Moobs
For the politically correct folks at home, we’d call these “Man Boobs” - but I prefer the much more derogatory nomenclature of “Moobs” or the less common “Chesticles”. If you have ever watched that Seinfeld episode that featured the “Mansierre”/”Bro” and thought to yourself, “Hey, that’s a good idea!”, then this applies to you.
I must say that searching for pictures of moobs was excruciating and painful, but this is hard hitting journalism and sometimes I gotta do what it takes.
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22 Comments so far
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[...] That’s So Fetch has the Top 10 Chick Repellent Items Part 2 [...]
My 18 yr old white boy cousin has a diamond stud in each of his ears and he looks like a jackass…so I’m in total agreement there. Also, socks with sandals…you obviously don’t have a woman or a best friend to tell you differently. That scares me…
I would just like to say that i appreciate the Seinfeld drop in the list, and to let you know that if nobody else caught it, i did
and i didn’t mean No. 1
As a black dude I appreciate that you gave us props for being cooler than you guys, but that doesn’t always apply. Like you said there is an exception to every rule, and I know quite a few white guys who are cooler than a few brothas I know. Excellent point on the man bags too.
I’m still disappointed that confederate flag isn’t on the list. Alternatively one of those truck window decals that has a cartoon kid pissing on the word Ford or Chevy or whatever can’t get you a lot of numbers.
the dude in the man bag picture is cristiano ronaldo(best soccer player in the world right now), who probably gets more tang than anyone else on the planet, but yes he still does look like a dbag in the picture
Does the guy in No. 1 get a double whammy for piercing the nipple of the moob?
Also, you can’t rent a moped in Venice because you can’t drive any motorized vehicles in Venice, except for boats through the canals. I am, of course assuming you are talking about Venice, Italy.
Good point on the the cartoon pissing on the Ford/Chevy decal. In addition to the truck w/ the lift…a set of rubber balls hanging down from the tow hitch is about as unclassy as it gets. One other thing…a set of keys hanging from your belt loop. Unless you are a janitor, please don’t…
I agree with everything on the list, but would like to add one exception. Wearing socks with sandles on the way to or from a sporting event and only if they are the slip on sport sandles by either nike, addidas. I think that should be a exception only if you still have your other althletic gear in your hand.
All rules have exceptions. White sock with sandals are a no, ragg wool socks are acceptable. Bling earrings are a no, small studs are acceptable. Tie with short-sleeve oxford is acceptable ONLY if worn under a blazer or suit coat and it is NEVER, EVER removed.
Also, while only one in 1000 men can get away with the bandanna, that one guy is, indeed, a stud.
There should be a ‘biker exception’ to the bandana rule. As long as the guy isn’t a RUB that is…
The male handbag is correctly called a “murse”.
Not really an accessory but going to “SPIN CLASS” just screams - I’m a pussy.
You know that dude with man boobs gets laid like crazy in England though. Thats the IN look over there.
Just to let you know, I’ve forwarded this to a few people I know that are/were guilty of at least one of the above - GADS!
Every single one of these is right on the money.
I would NEVER hook up with/date/even be remotely interested in a guy with any of these.
for real though, dip isn’t that gross, and jacked up trucks are kind of cool, especially down south, not in the nola or anything, but like the rest of the south, maybe not atl either, but you got my point. like everywhere but there its cool in the south. and floridas not the south. but dips not that bad. just certain things you cant do with it in your mouth, and the whole women complaining about your brushing your teeth thing, i mean…its just kind of an obstacle. wait women always complain about to me. nvm. but the trucks are cool.
These are MUCH worse than the other ten. I agree with you now.
Mouth Bling, period. In the words of Chris Rock [No Sex In The Champagne Room], “If a girl has a pierced tongue, he’ll probably suck your dick…If a GUY has a pierced tongue, he’ll probably suck your dick…”
…she’ll…
oh thank god mehmeh was not on this reply section