That’s So Fetch - A Pop Culture Blog

It was all fun and games making fun of women’s faults and pointing out minor flaws
(Click here for Top 10 Types of Girls That Guys Should Avoid) - but it’s time to get serious.  Women are the most wonderful creatures on earth - they’re generally better in every conceivable way.

They smell better, have better skin, look better in jeans, have pleasant voices, are more understanding, and are caring and nurturing - to name a few.

Dudes are disgusting.  We’re hairy and sweat a lot.  I feel as though it’s much easier to point out the flaws in a man than a woman and this list is the types of guys that most girls avoid - and if they don’t, they should.

THE TOP 10 TYPES OF GUYS

THAT GIRLS SHOULD AVOID

10. The One-Upper Trust Fund Baby

This guy must always make it known that he has more money than you and that his father is the richest man alive.

While the normal person would visit their parent’s time share in Daytona Beach, the One-Upper likes to remind you on a weekly basis about his father’s chateau in the south of France.

He considers himself “self-made” because the minute he graduated college he began working for his wealthy parents.  Since emerging from his mother’s birth canal, he has had $50,000 yearly placed into an off-shore bank account.  Now that he’s “on his own”, he “works” in the family business a.k.a. sits in on board meetings and sleeps with the secretaries.  He will spend the rest of his life calling it “his money”.

9. “I Can Drink You Under The Table” Guy

To some, drinking is considered to be a sport.  It is something I have never been able to understand.  The minute the Jack Daniel’s is taken out of the cabinet, this guy likes to take off his proverbial gloves and throw down.  He doesn’t care if you’re drinking recreationally because he’s taken it a step further and a bit too seriously.

It really should be a Special Olympics event: How many shots can you take in an hour and not throw up on yourself?.  If that’s not retarded, I don’t know what is.

8. Has A Tattoo of One of the Following:

1. Jesus
2. Barbed wire
3. Something on fire
4. His motorcycle
5. Something written in a fake language (such as Klingon)
6. A shirtless woman or woman in short skirt
7. His name
8. A baked potato

OK, the last one was a joke.  But seriously, I’d rather see someone with a baked potato tattoo than one of the others listed.  A tattoo of Jesus - seriously?  A dude shouldn’t have another dude tattooed permanently on his body.  I know he was the son of god and all, but that’s no excuse.

7. The Scarf-Wearing, Pipe-Smoking, Ivy Leaguer

He’s so much smarter than you.  He graduated with Honors from Dartmouth with a philosophy degree.  There’s something about a pipe that makes a guy look untrustworthy.  When I picture a guy cheating on his wife he’s seducing his mistress in a log cabin with leather-bound books while wearing a scarf and smoking a pipe - don’t ask me why.

6. The Health Freak Workout Fiend

This guy has been alluded to many times on TSF here and here.  He’s always wearing a tank top and making you feel like a fat ass when you order a steak or chicken sandwich while he’s busy counting the carbs in his house salad.  He jumps at any chance he gets to take his shirt off and he has a love affair with himself in every mirror he passes.

5. The 25+ Year Old College Party Goer

I am writing this list from the female perspective even though I am a guy - that being said, the guy who shows up to college parties when he graduated in like ‘99 needs a reality check.  It’s over, dude.  You’re 28 and working at an accounting firm in Des Moines, it’s about time you put away the boat shoes and popped collars and started hitting on the clean cut lady in HR - you can take her to some dinner parties and talk about how boring your lives are.  We can all see your receding hairline under your Corona visor and we are all laughing at you.

4. Isn’t Self-Sufficient

I’ve never met a girl in my entire life who is interested in a guy who can’t cook and clean or do his own laundry.  You will never touch a girl’s breasts if your culinary skills don’t extend beyond Mac ‘N Cheese and you don’t know to seperate the whites and the coloreds.

3. The Fashionable Male / Wears Girls Jeans

If you are a 100% straight, heterosexual male and you won’t leave the house without product in your hair and designer jeans and you can’t wear a t-shirt without a sports jacket, not only are you a complete douchebag but you are going to have a hard time finding a self-respecting woman to get down with.  There’s nothing wrong with fashion sense, but women’s jeans and a shirt that is two sizes two small is the equivalent of wearing a sign on your forehead proclaiming you aren’t interested in vagina.

Some accessories are a no-no:  bracelets, rings, earrings, stupid ass hats, knee-high leather shoes.  A woman wants a man who doesn’t outdress her.  FACT.

P.S.  What the hell is the guy in the picture wearing?  Are those high heels?  …

2. The Momma’s Boy

The mother-son relationship is one of the more interesting relationships in life.  A guy should keep his mother at an arm’s length at all times.  We all know the guy who has his mom on speed dial and can’t make a decision without talking to his mom first.  His cellpone wallpaper is he and his mom by the Christmas tree in matching sweaters and he calls his mom regarding the smallest quandries like how to remove a hang-nail.  His mom taught him how to tie a tie and find the stud.  Calling your mother for help is a major turn off to women.

1. The Uneducated Chauvinist

He has gone his entire life in denial that women have gained power over the last 50+ years.  He hates Hilary Clinton and Sarah Palin because they’re women and hates Barack Obama because he’s black.  He thinks every woman should be a housewife and doesn’t support women corporate executives.  If you can’t respect women, you will be masturbating to internet porn on your death bed.  Write that down.