Archive for December, 2008
WEEKLY POP CULTURE UPDATE (01.01.09)
KATY IN A ‘KINI
So here comes 2009. We will have a new wave of celebrities to make fun of and just like every other year, marginally talented pop stars will hit it big with a catchy tune about promiscuous sex and minor drug use. Kind of like a PG-13 movie. Maybe Katy Perry will go away, but with pictures like this, TSF isn’t sending her off into pop culture obsolescence just yet. Round of applause for Katy Perry’s voluptuous figure.
MORE OF THE HOTNESS
Sarah Palin’s 2009 wall calendar is evidently the number-one selling calendar on all of Amazon.com. I don’t know about you, but seeing the cover makes me want to look at more pictures of her gripping phallic, cold steel. The calendar features “never before seen photos, cellophane wrapped, and a pre-drilled hole for hanging” … that all sounds right up my alley. Especially the last part. buy it here
KEEPING WITH THE THEME
Lane Kiffin’s wife, Layla, is becoming one of the hottest chicks of 2008. Have you seen that Seinfeld episode where Jerry congratulates a lady on being pregnant and she’s not actually pregnant? I really can’t decide whether or not to point out her enlarged stomach … too late.
YEAH, HER TOO
Chase Daniel may be the winner between he and Lane Kiffin for the hottest counterpart. This is his girlfriend at the University of Missouri. Congratulations, Chase, you didn’t win the Heisman but you landed a Heisman-esque girlfriend.
BRITNEY + EYE CANDY
Two hot Australians and the new Britney. Even if you think the new Britney isn’t hot, these chicks should suffice.
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TOP 10 SONGS OF 2008
The more and more I think about it, I must consider 2008 to be one of the worst years for music in the 21st century. That is to take nothing away from the artists who made this list, because all of these songs are great. But it really was a down year - in general - for almost every genre outside of pop.
These are my 10 favorite songs from the past year. I highly recommend them to you all….
THE TOP 10 SONGS OF 2008
LISTEN TO THE SONGS HERE:
10. “YOU KNOW WHAT” N.E.R.D.
9. “UR SO GAY” KATY PERRY
8. “YOU’RE NOT SORRY” TAYLOR SWIFT
7. “MANY SHADES OF BLACK” THE RACONTEURS
6. “WILD INTERNATIONAL” ONE DAY AS A LION
5. “EVERYBODY GET DANGEROUS” WEEZER
4. “HANDLEBARS” FLOBOTS
3. “HOMETOWN GLORY” ADELE
2. “AMSTERDAM” SHANE ALEXANDER
1. “YOU DON’T KNOW ME” BEN FOLDS
TOP 10 FADS THAT NEED TO GO AWAY IN 2009
Mmmm…don’t you just love the smell of bad grammar in the morning?
As we look down the barrel of 2009, we must first look into the past and try to prevent the most annoying fads of previous years from carrying over into the last year of the decade. 2009 will lay the groundwork for the decade of the “10s” and it is essential that we weed out things like neon tights and bluetooth headsets.
Please take this time to look inside yourself and realize that your women’s jeans (for guys) need to go and your lame attempt to pick up younger men needs to cease.
That’s So Fetch gives you:
THE TOP 10 FADS THAT NEED
TO GO AWAY IN 2009
10. OLD PEOPLE ON FACEBOOK
Most of us remember the glory days of Facebook way back in 2004. Only college students and alumni were allowed access and this aspect made Facebook one of the most exclusive and legit social networking websites on the internet. Somewhere around 2006-2007, Facebook started to allow high-schoolers and random people off the street to have accounts. This decision did not lead to the demise of Facebook, but did lead to pissing off its college-aged demographic. Seeing your friend’s weird mom pop up in your mini feed or even the thought of your parents having a Facebook account is the ultimate buzz kill.
If you’re over 40, you shouldn’t have a social networking profile. The truth hurts.
9. HEIDI MONTAG AND SPENCER PRATT
Celebrity is a word that is thrown around by the media and there’s no way in hell that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, of MTV’s The Hills “fame”, should be considered as celebrities because that would infer that they are in someway important. They faked a wedding in Mexico and have yet to file a marriage certificate, most likely due to the fact that no one gives two shits about these assholes and they wanted something people can talk about. I suppose TSF is a form of media and unfortunately I am talking about them - so I guess they win. Shit.
8. 80s FASHION
Neon. Chicks and dudes alike are currently obsessed with gaudy and bright neon colored clothing from stores like American Apparel. All clothing styles are cyclical, but the neon tights have got to go. Look in the mirror before you leave the house and understand that dressing like a rodeo clown isn’t attractive and never will be. It was a short-lived fad in the 80s and will hopefully completely fade in 2009.
7. CARRYING DOGS IN OVER-SIZED TOTE BAGS
I have never understood the phenomenon of carrying a miniature dog in a purse in public places. I have seen this act perpetrated everywhere from grocery stores and shopping malls, to car washes and restaurants. Surely the dog is happy locked up in a cage over your shoulder with poor ventilation 5 feet off the ground. Is this a fashion statement? Because if it is, using a pet as an accessory is beyond laughable.
6. GROSSLY SKINNY “INDIE” ROCKERS
EAT A GOD DAMN CHEESEBURGER. Being deathly skinny is in no way cool, but showing your rib cage through tight, V-neck t-shirts in women’s jeans has somehow become cool over the last few years. You’re not in a rock band - and even if you are, no one is impressed. You’re going to look at pictures of yourself 10 years from now and want to kick your own ass.
5. ACTRESSES ATTEMPTING MUSIC CAREERS
Seeing Jessica Simpson wear a cowboy hat and boots attempting (and failing) to start a country music career is the auditory equivalent of shaving my testicles with splintered balsa wood. But seeing her “act” is just about as bad. Let’s point out some recent actress-to-singer failures: Scarlett Johansson, Hayden Panettiere, Hilary Duff, and Lindsay Lohan … just to name a few.
4. BLUETOOTH HEADSETS
The awful and revolting bluetooth headset fad has been discussed thoroughly on TSF’s Top 10 Chick Repellent Items of 2008 list. Every single person who sees you wearing this heinous piece of fashion faux pas is laughing hysterically behind your back. You look like a complete jackass. I cannot express this enough. Put your phone to your goddamn ear. Only acceptable while driving… Oh, and take off your Crocs while you’re at it.
3. UGGS
You’ve got to understand that the more popular something is, the more likely people are going to think it’s annoying. The popularity of this disgusting Australian footwear is astonishing. I was at a shopping center the other day and counted 21 pairs of Uggs in just under 90 seconds. I can stand the dark colored Uggs, but the original beige colored ones make you look like a retarded astronaut. And just like Crocs, “I don’t care how comfortable Uggs are, you still look like a dumbass”.
2. COUGARS
I’m sorry ladies, it’s over. The hot older woman thing is going out of style and you’re going to have to revert back to men with mortgages and AARP discounts. You can stop hanging out at college bars and prowling past your 10 pm bedtime, because us twenty-somethings are going to be busy hitting on 19-year-old sorority sisters who don’t carry change or use coupons for milk.
1. PRETENDING TO BE BI-SEXUAL
The number one fad that needs to go away in 2009 is the sudden popularity of using your fake bi-sexuality to enhance a stymied entertainment career. As popularized by Lindsay Lohan and Tila Tequila, this fad has been adopted by hot chicks who are too boring as “average” heterosexuals. VH1’s newest reality show, A Double Shot At Love, features “bi-sexual” twins looking for love. Katy Perry’s “I Kissed A Girl” is also a major contributor to this hopefully brief fad that TSF hopes will die in 2009.
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2008 VIDEO OF THE YEAR
This video is the reason that I have decided to completely forego the usual TSF Weekly Pop Culture Update. I can’t put into words what you are about to watch, but I will tell you that it’s a song called “Jizz In My Pants” from SNL guys Andy Samberg and Jorma Taccone. The song has been released on iTunes (and is currently on my hard drive) under the name The Lonely Island. The song premiered on the December 6th SNL.
The video features guest appearance by Molly Sims, Justin Timberlake, and Jamie-Lynn Sigler.
It’s even better than Dick In A Box, no contest.
Which reminds me of this video from the Big Bong Brothers…
TOP 7 ALBUMS OF 2008
I am going to step out onto a limb and say that 2008 has been somewhat of a down year for a dynamic music industry still trying to determine its identity in a iTunes-driven market. Outside of the rock albums on this list, the rock genre hasn’t really produced any great music this year. The Arctic Monkeys took the year off and the Foo Fighters are still touring off their immaculate 2007 release Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace, which was the best album of last year.
Before writing this list, I wanted to see what Rolling Stone was naming as their top albums of 2008. Unfortunately, the magazine that used to have dignity has killed all outstanding integrity by awarding The Jonas Brothers’ A Little Bit Longer the number 40 album of 2008. Jimi Hendrix must be rolling over in his grave. They claim that TV On The Radio’s Dear Science is the #1 album of 2008…As you can see, I disagree.
My apologies for the arbitrary “7″ list. I didn’t feel like there were 10 albums worthy enough to make this list and having only five would force me to leave off albums that deserve to be featured.
Be sure to check back for the Top 10 Songs of 2008 to be released next Monday…
THE TOP 7 ALBUMS OF 2008
7. MURDER BY DEATH ~ RED OF TOOTH AND CLAW
…This album sounds like the soundtrack to a black and white, 1930’s gangster movie. Murder By Death fits into a dark, alternative-country niche that Johnny Cash himself would be a fan of. The production quality is excellent and it’s evident that a Grammy Award winning producer (Trina Shoemaker) was involved. Expect great things from these Bloomington, Indiana natives…
[TSF's full review here]
best song: “Steal Away“
6. PETER BRADLEY ADAMS ~ LEAVETAKING
…This record is folk-Americana-singer/songwriter goodness. The first track, “The Longer I Run“, is the front runner of the record and definitely worth the hard drive space for those digital down-loaders out there. Track after track, this album has a serene tone and a likable melancholy quality - good enough to relax you but not make you fall asleep…
[TSF's full review here]
best song: “The Longer I Run“
5. BEN FOLDS ~ WAY TO NORMAL
A deviation from Ben Folds’ norm, Way To Normal is a great album with some of Ben’s best writing yet. In depth review by following link below:
[TSF's full review here]
best song: “The Frown Song“
4. SHANE ALEXANDER ~ THE SKY BELOW
…Independent artists are beginning to take over the musical landscape of the modern-day recording industry and Shane Alexander is leading the way with his latest effort, The Sky Below. As I make a mental note of the sonic quality of this record mixed with the brilliant lyricism and professional instrumentation, I begin to question why an artist this respectable is independently funding his own career…
[TSF's full review here]
best song: “Amsterdam“
3. TAYLOR SWIFT ~ FEARLESS
…This album is a step in the right direction for an artist who is extremely dynamic and is almost single-handedly molding a new country/pop fan base. Fearless is a magnificent piece of pop music. It’s one of the best pop albums released since Michael Jackson’s Thriller and without-a-doubt the best female country album I have ever heard…
[TSF's full review here]
best song: “You Belong With Me“
2. THE RACONTEURS ~ CONSOLERS OF THE LONELY
Nashville’s own The Raconteurs released 2008’s best rock album and along with the Foo Fighters are becoming one of the most important rock bands of the 21st century. This album features the best opening track of 2008 (”Consoler of the Lonely”) and successfully rocks the listener hard with songs such as “Salute Your Solution” and the stand-out track “Attention” fronted by Jack White of The White Stripes fame. The Raconteurs showcase their deep roots in folk rock with great down-tempo tunes such as “Carolina Drama” and “Old Enough”.
best song: “Attention“
1. ADELE ~ 19
…This album is absolutely phenomenal. If you have ever thought about taking my word on anything, take my word on this. If you enjoy jazz or singer/songwriters with originality and an unparalleled uniqueness, Adele will not only flat your boat - she’ll drive the damn thing for you…
[TSF's full review here]
best song: “My Same“
