That’s So Fetch – A Pop Culture Blog

Julia Louis-Dreyfus a.k.a. Elaine Benes is still one of the hottest women in America. Elaine became hotter and hotter as she aged in Seinfeld, and life imitates art this month as Julia is featured on the cover of Shape magazine at the young age of 48. Damn…

One of the best Seinfeld episodes of all time was the episode where Kramer, Jerry, and George all fall in love with Elaine after she leaves dirty comments on Jerry’s tape recorder. But let’s get serious, Kramer, George, and Jerry were all wanting to bone her during the show’s 10-year run – both on and offscreen.

TSF has determined that Julia Louis-Dreyfus is the most attractive woman in America, given the following criteria, in order of importance: Sense of Humor, Hotness, Age. Although it’s a pretty damn close race between her and Tina Fey.

WHO’S HOTTER?

In case you aren’t aware, MEGAN FOX IS SINGLE. She and her fiance, Brian Austin Green from the original 90210, called off their engagement earlier this week. Megan is at a very important point in her career and choosing the right male suitor could make or break her future relevancy. It’s her duty to follow in the footsteps of the hot women before her and upgrade, such as Angelina trading in Billy Bob Thornton for Brad Pitt.

After hours of research, TSF has determined that no mortal, real-life man is good enough for Megan Fox. We must look to fictional characters to meet Megan’s needs, because a woman of her physical attributes deserves the perfect dude – a guy who’s too good to be true.

THE TOP 10 FICTIONAL GUYS MEGAN FOX

SHOULD DATE (NOW THAT SHE’S SINGLE)

10. TY WEBB (caddyshack)

Not only is Ty a great philosopher and a funny guy, he’s also an incredible putter. “How do you measure yourself with other golfers?” … “My height”. Ty Webb, played by Chevy Chase, has the charisma and musical skills to get a woman like Megan into the sack.

9. SETH GECKO (from dusk til dawn)

I don’t know one guy who would talk back to Seth Gecko. Megan’s type needs a dude with badass tattoos and a short temper, and Seth Gecko fits that description.

8. ROD TIDWELL (jerry maguire)

With a short resume and an unstable career, Megan will need some extra money for clothes and Rod “Show Me the Money” Tidwell is the dude to give it to her. He’s a family man behind closed doors, but he’s got the personality to roll with a woman like Megan Fox.

7. ZACK MORRIS (saved by the bell)

Although Zack is still in high school, Megan could definitely play the cougar and go after the biggest badass at Bayside High. Megan Fox is the only chick Zack would dump Kelly for, but for good reason. Plus, Mrs. Morris would be a great mother-in-law.

6. DAVID WOODERSON (dazed and confused)

David Wooderson is the best part of the 1993 classic Dazed and Confused. His famed line, “That’s what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age” may deter Megan at first, but she will soon learn to ignore his immature humor because of his impeccable game.

5. TRENT WALKER (swingers)

Trent Walker is played by Vince Vaughn in one of the best guy movies ever: Swingers. Megan is a bad girl and bad girls love assholes – Trent Walker is the perfect example of the asshole guy the hot chick always chooses over the nice guy.

4. TYLER DURDEN (fight club)

Not only is Fight Club’s Tyler Durden played by Brad Pitt, Tyler Durden is arguably the biggest badass on this list. Dating Tyler Durden could do nothing but strengthen America’s opinion of Megan Fox.

3. PATRICK BATEMAN (american psycho)

He has great taste in music (Phil Collins, Huey Lewis and the News), but his only downfall is that he kills people with axes. What she doesn’t know can’t hurt her, right? When he’s not going insane, Patrick Bateman is a rich businessman who can take care of Megan’s needs. He also has a feminine side and uses facial creams, which she would probably find to be “cute”.

2. HAN SOLO (star wars)

Megan most likely is wearing this T-shirt because she likes how it looks on her, and trust me, so do we. It’s highly unlikely she actually likes Star Wars, but let’s be honest – put Megan Fox in a back room of the Milennium Falcon and she wouldn’t be able to keep her Hans off his Solo.

1. LT. PETE “MAVERICK” MITCHELL (top gun)

Maverick is the winner. Bringing Maverick to the red carpet premiere of Transformers 2 would cause tons of buzz and gain her a lot of respect from both the male and female demographic. In this alternate universe, no one knows that it’s actually Tom Cruise. Maverick doesn’t practice Scientology and he hasn’t turned Katie Holmes into a shade of her former self, who we all came to know and love in Dawson’s Creek.

Like this post? Check out these:

Top 10 Hottest Former Child Stars
Top 10 Fads That Need To Go Away in 2009

Back in October, I did a post titled “Interesting Google Search Phrases“, which gave you some insight into the funny phrases people type in Google that lead them to That’s So Fetch. Some of the more popular queries would be “Pop Culture Blog” or “Top 10 Lists”, but every now and then I get some really strange/funny search phrases that are worth telling you about.

Here are some that I have compiled over the last couple of months. These are all 100% real:

“miley cyrus getting laid”

Google searches through multiple postings on your website to find different words and this phrase leads you to the “Miley Cyrus” tag used on this website. No, I don’t have any pictures or video of Miley Cyrus in a sexual act. I enjoy not being in prison.

“youtube guy and girl petting scenes”

Something tells me that this was searched by a Central European. They’re weird. Probably German.

“hayden panettiere stick shift”

I can just see some redneck (probably from somewhere in the 30-mile radius of my hometown) looking for a badass cover for the stickshift on her used ‘91 Ford Ranger. Her name is probably Bertha and she lives in a motorhome in the parking lot of a Wal-Mart.

“hand tattoo porn”

Setting: 42-year-old male in his underwear, mid day on a Tuesday (non-holiday), still living off the residuals from a construction incident involving his autistic cousin, chicken wire, and a nail gun. He has a porn epiphany and decides that he’d be more turned on by sex tattooed on people’s hands. “The old shit just don’t do it for me anymore”, he says.

“casey carlson breasts”

TSF is literally the 2nd website listed on the first page of this search. I have a few people I’d like to thank: my parents for believing in me and giving me AOL access in 1995 and my 8th grade science teacher for telling me that I write “like a retarded 9-year-old”, deterring me from conventional pen and paper.

Check out the first list to see some good ones as well.

UNDERDOG MILLIONAIRE

Slumdog Millionaire was the little movie that couldn’t, but did, and took home Best Picture and 7 other awards including best director for Danny Boyle. It’s best song award deserves an asterisk next to it due to the fact that Bruce Springsteen’s “The Wrestler” wasn’t even nominated, thus making the entire category moot. The Slumdog dude who won best song doesn’t even deserve to wipe Springsteen’s ass with his bare hand and anyone with musical taste knows this. Biggest snub by far of the night.

HOTTEST CHICK OF THE NIGHT

Newcomer and Slumdog star Freida Pinto wins. For more photo evidence, click thumbnails.

YOU CAN’T BE SERIOUS

The Hannah Montana movie comes out in April and when asked about it, Miley Cyrus defined delusion and said she hopes it will bring her back to the Oscars next year: “I can’t wait, hopefully I will be getting [an award] for it next year”. She then tries convince the American public that the Hannah Montana movie is “a lot more real and a lot deeper than people would expect”. The guy interviewing her deserves a god damn Pulitzer for not laughing right in her face.

BEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT

Ben Stiller’s satire of the new Joaquin Phoenix as seen here.

This year’s Oscars was the best that I have ever seen. From the stage to Hugh Jackman and the great way they presented the best supporting and best actor/actress awards – all we can do is hope that other awards shows take notice and try not to suck so hard. I don’t want to name any names but it starts with a G and ends with rammy’s.

Vicki, Cristina, Barcelona was the best movie of ‘08, FYI.

TSF told you about new supergroup Tinted Windows this weekend, and sure enough we didn’t have to wait too long to hear the band’s first single, “Kind of a Girl”. Power chords and background “whoa oh-ohs” from the rest of the band point towards the production of the skilled hand that brought us “That Thing You Do” and “Stacy’s Mom”, Fountains of Wayne bassist Adam Schlesinger. Taylor Hanson’s vocals are the perfect complement to Schlesinger’s style, and having former Smashing Pumpkins guitarist James Iha on guitar doesn’t hurt either. Listen below to the pop/rock goodness:

TSF has turned into a virtual wrestling ring involving the highly mediocre, recently ousted American Idol contestant Casey Carlson.

Let me bring you up to speed: A couple weeks ago, I received this comment in my inbox from what I like to call “Casey Carlson’s digital bodyguard” – she calls herself “CaseWatch”. She is defending this post, in which I said, “I mean, it’s really sick how young women think they need to express themselves these days.  Racy photos where they’re one step away from showing their breasts to eager young men on the internet.  It’s appalling.” I was kidding, of course.

CaseWatch | viann.cabezal@gmail.com | 75.129.55.88

If you’d do your homework, you’d know that Casey Carlson is a straight A student and a valedictorian from one of Minnesota’s top high schools, grounded, articulate, extremely talented and destined for Broadway and more. Casey has traveled the world, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she has friends and fans as far away as Africa or China! AND, she certainly doesn’t need to fall back on (not nearly as sleazy as Victoria’s Secret models) a bunch of bikini photos to get her to the top. Perhaps we are a tad jealous, now? Dispense with your faux-feminist attitude and watch out!

Casey Carlson boobed her way through the American Idol judging experience and made it all the way to the top 36, but wasn’t voted to move on by the home voters. She was awful in her last performance. Awful. I really hope Sting didn’t see this rendition, because it’s offensive. There’s no actual video of this on YouTube, but trust me, you don’t want to see her ridiculous facial expressions. So here’s the audio:

Which brings me to the latest in the Casey Carlson TSF drama. Found this over the weekend in my inbox:

I knew Casey back in the day and yes, EPHS is one of the top Minnesota high schools (filled with druggies and alcoholics) and yes, she was one of 14 valedictorians, but what most people don’t understand is EPHS lets students get away with whatever they want. My graduating class had 21 valedictorians…who graduated at the top of our class because they took a bunch of art classes and got A’s. Doesn’t make you a genius, but that’s just my opinion. She is beautiful and smart to try out for AI after those pictures happened to spread like wildfire, I’ll give her that. But she’s a Public Relations major, she knows the tricks. She is just a rich, stuck-up, brat who thinks she is God’s gift to the world, just like the rest of Eden Prairie. Sure, the calendar was for a good cause, but it seems to me that it was more about showing off her own breasts than saving someone else’s.

2009/02/20 at 8:38 PM

I haven’t released her name or email address for privacy reasons, which is surprising ’cause I usually don’t pass up the opportunity to post people’s information without permission. Here’s a screenshot of the comment – just so you know I’m not making this up. This is also a good excuse to post more of her Campus USA bikini pictures.

LILY ALLEN
“NOT FAIR”

This is probably the best song from It’s Not Me, It’s You, UK import Lily Allen’s new album. I love the totally out-of-place guitar licks and the use of Banjo in a pop song.

FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS
“CAROL BROWN”

Great show and great band. Just released last week, it’s different than most of their songs and almost teeters on being an actual song and not just a comedy-based song – but don’t worry, it’s still funny.

KINGS OF LEON
“REVELRY”

Last week’s New Songs for Your iPod included “Manhattan” from the same album, but this song might even be slightly better.