TOP 10 GUY REPELLENT ITEMS OF 2009
You’re welcome, ladies. Here’s a list for you to check to see if you’re doing what you can to attract men. Want guys to talk to you? Follow these 10 easy steps.
Put the diets and Pilates on hold, and start to focus on the more important aspects of improving your sex life. Who knew you could get advice like this for free?
Ever wonder why you’re single? Here’s why. You can thank me later.
But don’t think I let the guys get off easily. The dudes got it much worse. At least you only got 10 repellent items, the dudes got 20:
Top 10 Chick Repellent Items Part 1
Top 10 Chick Repellent Items Part 2
We believe in equality here at TSF – everyone should be insulted equally.
TOP 10 GUY REPELLENT ITEMS OF 2009
10. HAVING A MYSPACE
2005 called, it wants its social networking back. If you are a grown woman and have a MySpace, delete it now. Stop reading this list, and go delete your multi-colored, Hello Kitty background, high-heel-plastered, annoying excuse for thinking it’s still cool to be on MySpace. MySpace was cool for like 45 minutes 3 years ago, now it’s time to grow up and move on. “Insert Overplayed Cliche Pop Song Here” as your background music isn’t annoying, I promise.
9. SPORTS BRA
News flash: dudes like boobs. I don’t care if your boyfriend pretends he’s an “ass man”, he’s genetically predisposed to be attracted to large breasts, and you can’t deny science. While sports bras may give you the comfort and support you need, don’t expect to pull any dudes wearing a bra that makes your chest look like an 8-year-old boy’s.
8. ORANGE TAN
It drives me up a wall to see stupid ass chicks who’ve spent way too much time in a tanning bed or had a few too many coats of spray on tanning. Does your mirror not work? Seriously, do you ever just look at someone and wonder how many mirrors or reflective surfaces they must have passed during the day and not noticed their appearance? We. Are. Laughing. At. Your. Oompa. Loopma. Ass.
7. MAN HANDS
On a personal level, this is arguably my number one. Dudes: rough hands. Chicks: soft hands – that’s the rule. Every chick alive should own and use lotion on a daily basis. Does this offend you? Are your hands like sand paper? Well quit crying about it and go buy some lotion. Apply as needed.
6. EXCESSIVELY LONG OR SHORT HAIR
The only reason a chick should have short hair is if it’s the result of medical treatment, otherwise, grow your hair out. Although there are some men who are attracted to short hair, just play it safe and grow it out. If you’re ever sitting in the chair at your salon and contemplating getting your hair cut stupidly short, immediately reevaluate your decision and determine if you ever want to see a penis again. Same goes with long hair. Super long hair is just disgusting and unnecessary. There’s a happy medium here, people.
5. UGGS/CROCS
That’s So Fetch has run this into the ground. I’ve mentioned the appalling look of Uggs and Crocs on multiple occasions, but it’s evidently not getting through to some people. Let me give you some insight: I work at a major magazine, and when we ask male celebrities their least favorite female trend, the NUMBER ONE ANSWER is always Uggs. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: you look like a god damn mentally retarded astronaut. Be original and find your own style of boots. Period. Here’s my rant for Crocs.
4. ONE PIECE SWIMSUIT
No, that Victoria’s Secret one piece you got last weekend isn’t “cute”. This swimsuit season will mark the 2,009th annual year where one piece swimsuits are revolting and undesirable. This should be common sense.
3. PLATFORM SHOES/SANDALS
Just another addition to the hideous footwear people think are socially acceptable. I wouldn’t stand next to someone wearing platform sandals for fear that the people around me may think I’m with her. I’ve never understood when women feel the need to be taller. High heels and wedges are fine, but really, do you need 4 inches of platform at the beach? I don’t care if you’re 4′11 or 5′8, you don’t need to be any taller. If you want to look like a 15-year-old who shops at Hollister, wear platform sandals.
2. FACIAL/ARM/UNDERARM/LEG HAIR
It’s quite the simple invention, actually. You look into it and you can see your reflection! You can use it for looking at clothing to make sure it looks good, you can even use it to look at your upper lip with good lighting. What a concept. This is the number one physical aspect of a woman that is a turn off.
Forget cellulite and everything you think is physically important. You can spend hours in the gym working out your love handles and get $200 hair cuts, but at the end of the day if you’re not smart enough to shave or wax your hairy upper lip/arms/back, no dude will ever touch you. It blows my mind seeing a chick with the beginnings of a chickstache.
1. BEING AN IDIOT
Acting like a ditz was never and will never be sexy. The average guy isn’t looking for an Ivy League graduate or a Valedictorian, but knowing simple facts like who the Vice President is or which states Washington D.C. is between isn’t too much to ask. Common sense and a little bit of knowledge can take Plain Jane a long way, because If you’re stupid, no dude will ever want to put a ring on it.
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Driving a truck
Spanx
Tasteless Acrylic Nails
80’s clothing
DID I MISS ANYTHING…?
18 Comments so far
Leave a reply
i approve this list
braided hair; baggy pants
Were tights covered by ’80s clothing?
Yes and no – 80’s neon colored tights are obnoxious. Normal colored tights are acceptable.
As far as honorable mention goes are you speaking of pick up trucks or all SUV type vehicles? I have to be honest I think a woman who drives a jeep or and SUV is pretty damn sexy
Pick up trucks. SUVs/Jeeps are fine.
Did you mention Ugg boots?
Also…
Smoking
Having kids
Not being 21
Being married/engaged
Playing Roulette or Slots
Sweat pants
Dodge Neons or other sissy chick cars
Favorite color is pink
Married or engaged I’m okay with. The only thing I don’t want to give them is money/gifts, and they already have someone to give them that. Then again you must have questionable morals, but my seat in hell is reserved. Those other additions are ok, though gambling doesn’t bother me (unless its my money).
no women in my family has ever gotten underarm hair.
im 19 and have never had one its like i never hit puberty
LMAO!!! LOVE IT!!!! And it’s so true!! Thank you THANK YOU for mentioning deleting myspace! That goes for all you grown people!
[...] Listen up Ladies, here are the Top 10 Guy Repellent Items of 2009 [...]
I like my crocs…haha!
Gambling is great!!! I love chicks that gamble. But play a real game for Christ’s sake. Slots and roulette are hands down the worst casino games ever and any chick who says she likes to gamble, and then heads straight to the roulette wheel and starts laying down chips on her “lucky number” is retarded! That’s like taking the Cubs to win the world series as a futures bet. “But look at the payoff”, she says. I don’t care. It’s not hitting. Stop throwing your money on double zero.
-Baseball cap + scrunchie. Nothing says “I haven’t showered today” better than that.
-Crusty feet. Come on, if you’re going to lotion those hands, don’t forget your soles, because we don’t want to give foot rubs to calluses.
-Patchouli. It says “I’d rather cover up my funk than wash it off.” Whether or not this is true, you can look like a love child without also smelling like one.
This list had me at “having a myspace”
But in defense of Uggs – if you live in a cold place, like I do, they keep your feet warm. I totally agree that girls in L.A. who wear them with shorts look like mentally retarded astronauts, but in New York when it is 30 degrees, snowy and you pull your jeans over them, they aren’t that bad. And even if they are – I’m still wearing them in the winter!! And they are the greatest footwear for flying – easy off and on at the stupid security checkpoint.
One more comment – sorry if you are an average guy – I am an Ivy League Graduate. Good luck with the community college grads
i agree that they are the most strongly repellant items that guys have
i agree that crocs are retarded but the only place ugg boots look stupid is if they are so old they’re about to fall apart or they’re being worn with short shorts or a mini-skirt
Name this continent: “ASIA”
LOL Number 1- being an Idiot
Crocs arent that bad… I dont see the big fuss. But Uggz, yeah I dont really care for even when I 1st saw them. I never thought they would be as famous or notourious as they came out to be and I live in Boston, MA where its cold and they Still look stupid.