Archive for the 'Criss Angel' Category
COUGAR OF THE WEEK: BRIDGET
The Girls Next Door was legitimately one of the most entertaining shows on television. It’s one of those 
shows that you don’t want to necessarily admit the joy it brings you, but you know they’d be without question three of the coolest chicks to hang out with. It just had its final episode, and all three girls have moved out of the Playboy Mansion.
The hottest from the show, Holly Madison (top right), left the mansion and started dating “magician” Criss Angel, they’ve since broken up (read TFS’s review of his shitty Vegas show). Kendra Wilkinson (top left), who I hope to never see without makeup again, is engaged to Philadelphia Eagles’ wide receiver Hank Baskett.
But the cougar of the week is the 3rd Girl Next Door, Bridget Marquardt (right). I can’t even begin to pronounce that surname. Anyways, she’s 35 and dating a 29-year-old non-famous dude. Which would make him our badass of the week - cause he’s 6 years younger, not even famous, and dating a Playboy model. We salute you.
Actually, we’ve never done either of these “…of the week” awards, which makes them completely fabricated.
No commentsTOP 10 CELEBRITIES WHO NEED TO GET THEIR ASS KICKED
I’m sure that each of these “celebrities” are relatively nice people. I wouldn’t want to necessarily kick all of their asses - it’s more like I’d rather see someone else kick their ass - like a midget or a paraplegic nine-year-old. Can you imagine anything more degrading than getting your ass kicked by a midget? Anyways, I left chicks off this list because, call me old fashioned, it just doesn’t seem right for a dude to openly discuss kicking a chick’s ass. Am I right?
Some of these dudes are a combination of annoying, lame, and lacking in any talent. Some of these dudes have insane talent, but still need to be punched in the face. Their annoyance factor weighs heavy in this list.
TOP 10 CELEBRITIES WHO NEED
TO GET THEIR ASS KICKED
10. JOHN MAYER
John Mayer has a lot of talent with a guitar in his hand, but too bad life exists outside of music. I cringe every time I hear “Your Body Is A Wonderland” and hear this jackass sing his songs of fake love. Then the whole Jennifer Aniston thing and his unwatchable show on VH1 that lasted all of two seconds. He’s the definition of arrogance.
9. CHRIS MARTIN
Coldplay is the best worst band of all-time. They make pleasing music, but it’s overplayed and way over appreciated. Coldplay isn’t even one of the top 50 bands of all-time, yet some people love to proclaim them as the Gods of rock after only 4 albums. Chris Martin named his son Apple and his demeanor is highly obnoxious. Apple.
8. JUDE LAW
Jude Law’s acting sucks. Jude Law’s accent sucks. Jude Law’s voice sucks. Jude Law’s hair sucks. You get the point.
7. RYAN SEACREST
I’m not going to lie to you people - sometimes I like Ryan Seacrest on American Idol. He can be witty at some points and make the show somewhat enjoyable, but the guy just needs a good ol’ ass whoopin’. Nothing too severe - like being bedridden for a few days. Just a few good punches and call it a night. His radio show is annoying and his pretty boy attitude has got to go.
6. NICKELBACK’S SHITTY LEAD SINGER
Nickelback. Nickelback. Arguably the worse attempt at rock music to ever reach the mainstream in the United States. Every single song is the same. It’s the same song over and over and over again … and then once again. The lead singer doesn’t even deserve to have his name mentioned on this list, we’ll just call him ‘”Nickelback’s Shitty Lead Singer”. I’d love to see this guy get his ass kicked by a nine-year-old softball team or a WNBA coach as “Rockstar” is played in the background.
5. CRISS ANGEL
There is one reason Criss Angel cracks the top 5 of this list: his new Las Vegas show. I saw it and reviewed it here. Go read that and you will understand why the guy needs to be punched in the mouth. I can’t stand his attitude and his lame attempt to dress himself. His show, Mindfreak, is somewhat cool, but his 15 minutes is about to be over.
4. MATTHEW McCONAUGHEY
He really should take his shirt off more.
3. PEREZ HILTON
Perez Hilton’s blog is one of the worse websites on the internet. He’s “famous” because he has the ability to regurgitate uninteresting photos and celebrity gossip from other news sources. His writing is awful and has absolutely no substance and his overuse of the exclamation point makes his website almost unreadable. He’s also ugly as sin and the self-proclaimed “Queen of all media”. I really don’t know if I’ve ever seen a less attractive human being.
2. DANIEL RADCLIFFE
Daniel Radcliffe, a.k.a. Harry Potter, has gradually become more and more annoying with each passing year - and he keeps taking his damn shirt off. I just can’t trust someone who wears a vest with nothing under it. Tell me you can honestly look at that picture and not want to punch him square in the mouth. If a ferret and a parakeet had an emo step-child, it would be Daniel Radcliffe.
1. DANE COOK
Let me just make a blanket statement: anyone who thinks that Dane Cook is hilarious has a terrible sense of humor. I really can’t think of a worse personality trait than having an affinity for Dane Cook. He’s bearable in Waiting, but he’s arguable the worst actor of this generation. He is the male Jessica Simpson. His “comedy” is sophomoric and asinine. He’s way too boisterous and loud. I’d love to see him get punched right in the face or bite it on a skateboard.
WEEKLY POP CULTURE UPDATE (9.30.08) + Criss Angel “Believe” Review
CRISS ANGEL’S NEW VEGAS SHOW = ATROCIOUS
So I was in Vegas over the weekend and had 3rd row seats for the “soft opening” of magician Criss Angel’s, 
of A&E network’s Mindfreak, Las Vegas Cirque Du Soleil stage show at the Luxor hotel and casino. Believe had a lot of hype surrounding it and the soft opening had actually been pushed back a few times for technical difficulties.
I’m going to get straight to the point: it was terrible. I love his show, Mindfreak, and I find the guy pretty entertaining - but this show was borderline unbearable. It was a mockery of the legendary Cirque Du Soleil style. Cheesy, not believable, and just plain stupid. The guy is a magician and it had like one or two magic tricks in the entire thing. There was some other “magic” worked in - such as making birds appear and disappearing acts - but they were absolutely awful. Towards the end of the show, they bring him out with a microphone and he attempts to sing and dance to his Mindfreak theme song. It’s laughable and sophomoric. He looked like a total ass. The show isn’t set to open for a few weeks and if they don’t get their act together, it will be shut down inside a year. Others agree.
BRITNEY SPEARS IS STILL TERRIBLE
There really are no words to describe how bad Britney Spears’s new song, “Womanizer”, is. Just listen for yourself….
SCAR JO IS TAKEN
A tragedy has occurred and it has nothing to do with the stock market. Scarlett Johansson, of TSF’s “Top 10 Hottest Chicks With Talent” fame, has recently wed Ryan Reynolds a.k.a. Van Wilder. At least that movie is marginally funny. He was formerly engaged to Alanis Morissette - talk about an upgrade. [link]
SONG OF THE WEEK
“Alabama High-Test” by Old Crow Medicine Show
from their new album Tennessee Pusher released Sept. 23
“StreetWars” WATER GUN ASSASSINS
This is one of the coolest stories I’ve come across in recent weeks. A guy in Manhattan has organized a 250 man game of an assassin based game called “StreetWars”.
from the New York Times [link]:
“…Mr. Deane, a freelance audiovisual technician, was becoming a player to be reckoned with in this year’s StreetWars tournament. With only a few days left, he stood a fighting chance at being the last person standing, the $500 prize in one hand and his dripping gun in the other. But with the pool dwindling, his own would-be killer could not be far.
When StreetWars started on Sept. 7, each of the 250-plus contestants was handed a black envelope marked “Shadow Government,” with the name, home address, workplace, e-mail address, cellphone number and photograph of a player to kill by squirting. After each kill, the shooter acquires the dead rival’s target and begins stalking this new person, all the while looking over a shoulder for whoever is hunting him. It is permissible to shoot in self-defense…”
NERDS OF THE WEEK
But they still don’t know what a vagina looks like…
from Science News [link]:
“…The Great Internet Mersenne Prime Search, or GIMPS, a computing project that uses volunteers’ computers 
to hunt for primes, found the prime and just confirmed the discovery. It can now claim a $100,000 prize from the Electronic Frontier Foundation for being the first to find a prime number that has more than 10 million digits.
Prime numbers make up the “periodic table” of numbers, the building blocks that combine to form all numbers. A prime number is a whole number divisible only by 1 and itself. Euclid in 300 B.C. proved that there are infinitely many of them (click for his beautifully simple proof). Still, that doesn’t make them easy to find. At the beginning of the number line, the primes seem to be everywhere — 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13… — but in the number line’s more distant reaches, prime numbers become elusive…”
FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL & IRONMAN OUT ON DVD TODAY
Both great movies. Forgetting Sarah Marshall is outstanding and Mila Kunis is unbelievably hot in it. Go rent it.
VIDEO OF THE WEEK
Sarah Palin in a 1984 Beauty Pageant … jackpot …
