Archive for the 'Megan Fox' Category
MEGAN FOX FANCIES VAMPIRES
Well, I made an attempt a couple weeks back to name the guys whom Megan Fox should date, and looks like I was dead wrong. Ten choices and I didn’t even come close.
Megan was spotted this week with Robert Pattinson from Twilight at the Los Angeles Palihouse Hotel, where the two drank into the wee hours of the night and were spotted together the following morning, most likely some canoodling involved.
Edward Cullen appears to have been the answer to the question: who is good enough to date Megan Fox? I’m pissed at myself for not calling that one. I mean look at her, of course she likes blood-sucking vampires.
There isn’t another woman on earth who can pull off a tank-top better than Megan Fox. She makes basic clothing look extremely hot. She’s also an iPhone user, which gives nerds and liberal arts majors boners. I can only think of a few things I wouldn’t do for Megan Fox’s phone number, one of which is watching a soccer game in its entirety.
TOP 10 FICTIONAL DUDES MEGAN FOX SHOULD DATE
In case you aren’t aware, MEGAN FOX IS SINGLE. She and her fiance, Brian Austin Green from the original 90210, called off their engagement earlier this week. Megan is at a very important point in her career and choosing the right male suitor could make or break her future relevancy. It’s her duty to follow in the footsteps of the hot women before her and upgrade, such as Angelina trading in Billy Bob Thornton for Brad Pitt.
After hours of research, TSF has determined that no mortal, real-life man is good enough for Megan Fox. We must look to fictional characters to meet Megan’s needs, because a woman of her physical attributes deserves the perfect dude – a guy who’s too good to be true.
THE TOP 10 FICTIONAL GUYS MEGAN FOX
SHOULD DATE (NOW THAT SHE’S SINGLE)
10. TY WEBB (caddyshack)
Not only is Ty a great philosopher and a funny guy, he’s also an incredible putter. “How do you measure yourself with other golfers?” … “My height”. Ty Webb, played by Chevy Chase, has the charisma and musical skills to get a woman like Megan into the sack.
9. SETH GECKO (from dusk til dawn)
I don’t know one guy who would talk back to Seth Gecko. Megan’s type needs a dude with badass tattoos and a short temper, and Seth Gecko fits that description.
8. ROD TIDWELL (jerry maguire)
With a short resume and an unstable career, Megan will need some extra money for clothes and Rod “Show Me the Money” Tidwell is the dude to give it to her. He’s a family man behind closed doors, but he’s got the personality to roll with a woman like Megan Fox.
7. ZACK MORRIS (saved by the bell)
Although Zack is still in high school, Megan could definitely play the cougar and go after the biggest badass at Bayside High. Megan Fox is the only chick Zack would dump Kelly for, but for good reason. Plus, Mrs. Morris would be a great mother-in-law.
6. DAVID WOODERSON (dazed and confused)
David Wooderson is the best part of the 1993 classic Dazed and Confused. His famed line, “That’s what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age” may deter Megan at first, but she will soon learn to ignore his immature humor because of his impeccable game.
5. TRENT WALKER (swingers)
Trent Walker is played by Vince Vaughn in one of the best guy movies ever: Swingers. Megan is a bad girl and bad girls love assholes – Trent Walker is the perfect example of the asshole guy the hot chick always chooses over the nice guy.
4. TYLER DURDEN (fight club)
Not only is Fight Club’s Tyler Durden played by Brad Pitt, Tyler Durden is arguably the biggest badass on this list. Dating Tyler Durden could do nothing but strengthen America’s opinion of Megan Fox.
3. PATRICK BATEMAN (american psycho)
He has great taste in music (Phil Collins, Huey Lewis and the News), but his only downfall is that he kills people with axes. What she doesn’t know can’t hurt her, right? When he’s not going insane, Patrick Bateman is a rich businessman who can take care of Megan’s needs. He also has a feminine side and uses facial creams, which she would probably find to be “cute”.
2. HAN SOLO (star wars)
Megan most likely is wearing this T-shirt because she likes how it looks on her, and trust me, so do we. It’s highly unlikely she actually likes Star Wars, but let’s be honest – put Megan Fox in a back room of the Milennium Falcon and she wouldn’t be able to keep her Hans off his Solo.
1. LT. PETE “MAVERICK” MITCHELL (top gun)
Maverick is the winner. Bringing Maverick to the red carpet premiere of Transformers 2 would cause tons of buzz and gain her a lot of respect from both the male and female demographic. In this alternate universe, no one knows that it’s actually Tom Cruise. Maverick doesn’t practice Scientology and he hasn’t turned Katie Holmes into a shade of her former self, who we all came to know and love in Dawson’s Creek.
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WEEKLY POP CULTURE UPDATE (01.14.09)
JEREMY PIVEN’S ADDICTION
The best news story this week has got to be the reasoning behind Jeremy Piven’s Ari Gold’s absence from his Broadway play, Speed The Plow. Piven’s doctor claims that he has the highest level of Mercury in his body of any patient he has ever seen and blames it on his “sushi addiction” and overuse of chinese herbs. TSF sends our best to the Piven family and hopes Jeremy can keep his chopsticks away from spicy tuna rolls until he is nursed back to health. Maybe he can use this off time to save Entourage’s shitty plot decline.
In this clip from Monday’s Golden Globes, Tiki Barber interviews the “sick” Jeremy Piven. It includes a great comment from Mark Wahlberg concerning Piven’s illness…
GOLDEN GLOBES 2009 HOTNESS
A witty comment is unnecessary. Just enjoy the pictures.
MEGAN FOX
BLAKE LIVELY OF GOSSIP GIRL
EVA LONGORIA PARKER
BEST MAN EPIC FAIL
I highly doubt this is real, but it’s unauthenticity wouldn’t make it any less entertaining.
SLANG OF THE WEEK
“SEXTING”
“Sexting” is a term used to describe text messages between two or more people of a sexually explicit nature. Simple sexual activity in text form or sending nude pictures from one’s cellular phone would be considered “sexting”. Three high-schoolers in Pennsylvania have learned the awful truth about thinking before you sext message and have been charged with a crime. “Taking nude pictures of yourself, nothing good can come out of it,” said George Sanko of the Greensburg Police Department. Well said, George. Take notes, kids.
SONG OF THE WEEK
“DON’T YOU EVAH” by SPOON
FROM 2007’s GA GA GA GA GA
MOVIE OF THE WEEK
FROST/NIXON
An outstanding movie about the 1977 interviews between TV host David Frost and Richard Nixon after the Watergate scandal and his subsequent resignation. Superb acting and an incredible screenplay make this one of Ron Howard’s best efforts. Frank Langella (as Nixon) and Michael Sheen (as Frost) both gave Oscar-worthy performances and were nearly flawless in their execution of one of the most famous interviews in the history of television. Highly recommended. One of the best films I’ve seen in the last 5 years. 9/10
TV SHOW OF THE WEEK
GOSSIP GIRL
So I couldn’t avoid the hype any longer and I decided to watch Gossip Girl this weekend and I must admit that I almost got through the entire first season in two days. From the same guy who brought us The O.C., this drama about the lives of rich, spoiled, and oft wasted high-schoolers from Manhattan’s prestigious upper east side is crazy popular right now and wildly entertaining. Spoiled brats who all look like models getting in trivial fights and sleeping with each other – all while intoxicated – makes for a good way to spend a Sunday afternoon. Go watch it. You know you want to. Plus it stars the oh-so-hot Blake Lively (above, black) and Leighton Meester (above, blue).
Megan Fox Wears Birkenstocks and Listens to Melissa Etheridge?
For those taking notes at home: the title is a euphemism for lesbianism. That’s a lot of isms. She’s not exactly wearing Birkenstocks and listening to Melissa Etheridge tunes in her Volvo, but she is the October cover girl for GQ magazine in which she reveals a dirty little secret. I don’t want to turn into one of those websites, but posting this seemed like a no-brainer given the fact that my demographic is hormone driven 15-35 year old men. I feel as though there are a few of you who haven’t heard what Megan Fox said in GQ yet; but not to fret my TSF readers, this is why you waste time at work on my website.
There’s only one problem: I don’t feel like you really gain anything from me regurgitating information from some Hollywood bombshell’s embarrassing past. So in between these Megan Fox quotes, I have placed random educational facts - something that you can carry with you on your travels to impress people on airplanes or to break the ice on a first date. Something you can use. Education comes first here at TSF. OK I’ve made you wait long enough and it’s right about now that your attention begins to diminish. On with what Megan Fox had to say (put the kids to bed for these quotes):
“With any of the Miley Cyrus shit, or any of that Vanessa Hudgens shit – I would never issue an apology for my life and for who I am. It’s like, Oh, I’m sorry I took naked, private pictures that someone is an asshole and sold for money. I’m sorry if someone else is a dick. No, you shouldn’t have to apologize. Someone betrayed Vanessa, but no one’s angry at that person. She had to apologize. I hate Disney for making her do that. Fuck Disney.”
Elephants are the only mammal that can’t jump.
Honey is the only food that does not spoil.
“Rhythm” is the longest English word with no vowels.
Lettuce is the only food that you can ONLY purchase fresh.
Check out the size of a whale shark relative to a human! Whoa!
In reference to her first year living in L.A. at age 18:
“Well, that year my boyfriend broke up with me, and I decided – oh man; sorry Mommy! – that I was in love with this girl that had worked at the Body Shop [a strip club on Sunset Boulevard]. I decided that I was going to get her to love me back, and I went out of my way to create a relationship with this girl, a stripper named Nikita. I was there all the time – I would go there by myself. I bought her things – perfume, body spray, girlie stuff. I turned into a weird middle-aged married man. I felt like I had this need to save Nikita. I’d get lap dances just so I could get to know her, and I’d give her what I thought were great little sound bites of inspiration – like You can do it, you’re better than this! I didn’t want her to be there.”
COLLECTIVE GASP
I really hope suburbanite mothers can get a hold of all the GQs in suburbia ’cause I damn well know that this filth can’t be spread amongst the American youth. What’s next? High schoolers drinking beer in their basements whilst touching each other to promiscuous rap music?
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