Archive for the 'Notorious BIG' Category
TOP 10 MOST DEGRADING SONGS THAT CHICKS LOVE
Before you read any of this list:
If you haven’t heard the song “Crazy Bitch” by Buckcherry, it’s imperative that you familiarize yourself with this song infesting the American bar scene.
Hey, You’re a crazy bitch
But you fuck so good, I’m on top of it
When I dream, I’m doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on
This list highlights the most degrading songs of all-time that chicks love. A lot of intensive labor and meticulous research has gone into bringing you a list of ten songs your daughter or sister probably dances to in some frat’s mildewed basement on a Tuesday night.
This is the song that people’s daughters are dancing to on top of tables to in your local bar. This grossly mediocre alternative rock band from Los Angeles has created an anthem that is the most degrading song of all-time, yet adored by the average sorority chick at both public and private universities across this great country of ours.
It would be wayyyy too easy to include 10 rap songs by Nelly or 50 Cent or any other marginally talented hip hop artist. But we here at TSF don’t do things in a conventional sense. We have studied songs that you love but maybe don’t realize have degrading lyrics and worked them in with the degrading “ho” bearing songs you have come to know and love.
Alcohol, drunk chicks, and degrading music – it’s the American way.
THE TOP 10 MOST DEGRADING
SONGS THAT CHICKS LOVE
10. HOOTIE & THE BLOWFISH – “LET HER CRY”
This morning I woke up alone
Found a note by the phone
Saying maybe, maybe I’ll be back some day
I wanted to look for you
You walked in I didnt know just what I should do
So I sat back down and had a beer and felt sorry for myself.
Come on, Darius, you can do better than that. This mid-90s alt-rock hit is about a dude who has a girlfriend who cries too much. The guy doesn’t seem to care about her problems as expressed by lines such as “She never lets me in, only tell me wheres shes been when shes had too much to drink / I say that I don’t care, I just run my hands through her dark hair and then I pray to god”. This guy is a total asshole. His girlfriend is having problems yet he’s drinking beer and feeling sorry for himself.
9. KATY PERRY – “I KISSED A GIRL”
Yeah, yeah – I know – only 42-year-old soccer moms in suburbia and ugly feminists get offended by this song. We here at TSF have no problem with chicks who switch hit (or bat left-handed, for that matter), but seeing straight chicks sing-a-long to this is simply comical. Can you imagine a bunch of straight dudes partying to a song sung by a dude called “I Kissed A Guy”? Think about it….
8. SIR MIX-A-LOT – “BABY GOT BACK”
Maybe the first of the degrading rap songs to ever be created. Sir Mix-A-Lot gained a lot of unwanted attention for this tune, but chicks to this day still know every word to this song, including the monologue intro: “Oh my god, Becky, look her butt, it is so big…” Play this song for your ladyfriend, mistress, whatever and don’t be surprised when she knows every word. Try it.
7. NOTORIOUS B.I.G. – “BIG POPPA”
I had some reservation about adding this to the list, but decided it was necessary. The reason being that it sounds like B.I.G. would be a pretty badass guy to party with if you are a chick. In the song, he promises everything from t-bone steak dinners to watching a movie in a jacuzzi. He even – gasp – begins to show he can commit with lines like “Cause I see some ladies tonight who should be havin’ my baby”, so at least chicks know he wants to start a family someday.
Unfortunately, it’s not all sweet from our favorite dead, obese rapper. B.I.G. frequently uses the term “ho” and while watching a movie in a jacuzzi with him may sound inviting, he adds “…while you do me” to the end of that line.
6. ANYTHING BY OR FEATURING T-PAIN
“I’m N Luv (Wit A Stripper)” and “Bartender” are two of the most popular songs on any suburban white girl’s iPod “party” playlist. It ain’t a party in the suburbs in your rich parent’s basement without some T-Pain coming through the $5,000 stereo. Yay, white people.
5. SUBLIME – “WRONG WAY”
A cigarette rests between her lips,
but I’m staring at her tits,
It’s the wrong way.
Strong if I can,
But I am only a man,
So I take her to the can,
It’s the wrong way.
The only family that she’s ever had
Is her 7 horny brothers
And her drunk-ass dad.
He needed money
So he put her on the street,
Everything was going fine until the day that she met me.
What is the listener supposed to take from this? It just doesn’t sound right. What’s a “can”? This is a widely popular song with highly questionable content – and chicks dig it.
4. DEF LEPPARD – “POUR SOME SUGAR ON ME”
Lookin’ like a tramp, like a video vamp
Demolition woman, can I be your man?
Joe Elliot cuts to the chase and lets it be known that the chick who is the center of his attention looks like a tramp. This is the heavy rock equivalent of a rapper calling a woman a “ho” – yet it is socially acceptable to use tramp instead of ho in this hard rock classic. Maybe it’s a race thing.
3. JUVENILE – “BACK THAT AZZ UP”
Play this song at any party and chicks will go crazy. Forget what Juvenile is actually saying, chicks don’t care: “Call me big daddy when you back that ass up / girl who is you playin’ with? back that ass up”.
2. MAROON 5 – “HARDER TO BREATHE”
Wasn’t expecting this one, were you? Ah, it’s true – and damn, it made number two! Not only does M5’s lead singer look like an asshole, but this song proves that he is – in fact – an asshole.
I have the tendency of getting very physical
So watch your step cause if I do you’ll need a miracle
You drain me dry and make me wonder why I’m even here
This double vision I was seeing is finally clear
You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone
Not fit to fuckin’ tread the ground that I am walking on
Ouch. And you know this album is in the SUV CD player of thousands of soccer moms across America.
1. BUCKCHERRY – “CRAZY BITCH”
I was at a bar in Louisville, Kentucky around the time this song came out. It seems like they played this song 3 times over the course of the entire night. There was this one chick dressed like a mix between a prostitute and a Catholic schoolgirl singing this song at the top of her lungs. I was like what the hell is going on here…? The song is about a chick who’s hot and great in bed but also crazy. How is this likable to a respectable female? Based on its current popularity and the most straightforward, degrading lyrics in musical history, Buckcherry easily earns the number #1 spot. See video at top.
50 Year Old Man Falls Asleep To Rap Music
After a night of drinking in bars that only play rap music, it’s only fitting that once you return to the safety of your hotel room, you direct your iPod to your “Fresh Cuts 2008″ mix (I didn’t make this up, that is the actual name of the mix).
That is exactly what my father (left) decided to do last night. As I lie in the other bed of the hotel room, I can distinctly make out and decipher every word from his rap collection. Maybe he was dreaming he was still in the club?
I bring to you the actual songs played last night from my dad’s iPod while trying to fall asleep.
THE TOP 5 SONGS OF ALL TIME
TO FALL ASLEEP TO:
(ACCORDING TO j.$tone’s DAD)
5. Notorious B.I.G. – Big Poppa
4. Ray J – Sexy Can I
3. Usher – In This Club
2. Lil’ Wayne – Lollipop
1. Rihanna – Please Don’t Stop The Music
