Archive for the 'Types of Girls Guys Avoid' Category
TOP 10 TYPES OF GUYS THAT GIRLS SHOULD AVOID
It was all fun and games making fun of women’s faults and pointing out minor flaws
(Click here for Top 10 Types of Girls That Guys Should Avoid) - but it’s time to get serious. Women are the most wonderful creatures on earth - they’re generally better in every conceivable way.
They smell better, have better skin, look better in jeans, have pleasant voices, are more understanding, and are caring and nurturing - to name a few.
Dudes are disgusting. We’re hairy and sweat a lot. I feel as though it’s much easier to point out the flaws in a man than a woman and this list is the types of guys that most girls avoid - and if they don’t, they should.
THE TOP 10 TYPES OF GUYS
THAT GIRLS SHOULD AVOID
10. The One-Upper Trust Fund Baby
This guy must always make it known that he has more money than you and that his father is the richest man alive.
While the normal person would visit their parents’ time share in Daytona Beach, the One-Upper likes to remind you on a weekly basis about his father’s chateau in the south of France.
He considers himself “self-made” because the minute he graduated college he began working for his wealthy parents. Since emerging from his mother’s birth canal, he has had $50,000 yearly placed into an off-shore bank account. Now that he’s “on his own”, he “works” in the family business a.k.a. sits in on board meetings and sleeps with the secretaries. He will spend the rest of his life calling it “his money”.
9. “I Can Drink You Under The Table” Guy
To some, drinking is considered to be a sport. It is something I have never been able to understand. The minute the Jack Daniel’s is taken out of the cabinet, this guy likes to take off his proverbial gloves and throw down. He doesn’t care if you’re drinking recreationally because he’s taken it a step further and a bit too seriously.
It really should be a Special Olympics event: How many shots can you take in an hour and not throw up on yourself?. If that’s not retarded, I don’t know what is.
8. Has A Tattoo of One of the Following:
1. Jesus
2. Barbed wire
3. Something on fire
4. His motorcycle
5. Something written in a fake language (such as Klingon)
6. A shirtless woman or woman in short skirt
7. His name
8. A baked potato
OK, the last one was a joke. But seriously, I’d rather see someone with a baked potato tattoo than one of the others listed. A tattoo of Jesus - seriously? A dude shouldn’t have another dude tattooed permanently on his body. I know he was the son of god and all, but that’s no excuse.
7. The Scarf-Wearing, Pipe-Smoking, Ivy Leaguer
He’s so much smarter than you. He graduated with Honors from Dartmouth with a philosophy degree. There’s something about a pipe that makes a guy look untrustworthy. When I picture a guy cheating on his wife he’s seducing his mistress in a log cabin with leather-bound books while wearing a scarf and smoking a pipe - don’t ask me why.
6. The Health Freak Workout Fiend
This guy has been alluded to many times on TSF here and here. He’s always wearing a tank top and making you feel like a fat ass when you order a steak or chicken sandwich while he’s busy counting the carbs in his house salad. He jumps at any chance he gets to take his shirt off and he has a love affair with himself in every mirror he passes.
5. The 25+ Year Old College Party Goer
I am writing this list from the female perspective even though I am a guy - that being said, the guy who shows up to college parties when he graduated in like ‘99 needs a reality check. It’s over, dude. You’re 28 and working at an accounting firm in Des Moines, it’s about time you put away the boat shoes and popped collars and started hitting on the clean cut lady in HR - you can take her to some dinner parties and talk about how boring your lives are. We can all see your receding hairline under your Corona visor and we are all laughing at you.
4. Isn’t Self-Sufficient
I’ve never met a girl in my entire life who is interested in a guy who can’t cook and clean or do his own laundry. You will never touch a girl’s breasts if your culinary skills don’t extend beyond Mac ‘N Cheese and you don’t know to seperate the whites and the coloreds.
3. The Fashionable Male / Wears Girls Jeans
If you are a 100% straight, heterosexual male and you won’t leave the house without product in your hair and designer jeans and you can’t wear a t-shirt without a sports jacket, not only are you a complete douchebag but you are going to have a hard time finding a self-respecting woman to get down with. There’s nothing wrong with fashion sense, but women’s jeans and a shirt that is two sizes two small is the equivalent of wearing a sign on your forehead proclaiming you aren’t interested in vagina.
Some accessories are a no-no: bracelets, rings, earrings, stupid ass hats, knee-high leather shoes. A woman wants a man who doesn’t outdress her. FACT.
P.S. What the hell is the guy in the picture wearing? Are those high heels? …
2. The Momma’s Boy
The mother-son relationship is one of the more interesting relationships in life. A guy should keep his mother at an arm’s length at all times. We all know the guy who has his mom on speed dial and can’t make a decision without talking to his mom first. His cellpone wallpaper is he and his mom by the Christmas tree in matching sweaters and he calls his mom regarding the smallest quandries like how to remove a hang-nail. His mom taught him how to tie a tie and find the stud. Calling your mother for help is a major turn off to women.
1. The Uneducated Chauvinist
He has gone his entire life in denial that women have gained power over the last 50+ years. He hates Hilary Clinton and Sarah Palin because they’re women and hates Barack Obama because he’s black. He thinks every woman should be a housewife and doesn’t support women corporate executives. If you can’t respect women, you will be masturbating to internet porn on your death bed. Write that down.
Like this list? check out these:
Top 10 Chick Repellent Items of 2008
Top 10 Most Annoying People on Facebook
TOP 10 TYPES OF GIRLS THAT GUYS SHOULD AVOID
With all of the “Chick Repellent Items“-type lists calling out guys and TSF giving all men a reason to reevaluate their lives, women have been getting off too easily. They’ve been visiting my website and chuckling their little heads off at the mockery I have made of the countless flaws of the male sex.
Well those days are over. It’s time for some change around here. You knew the day would come. Women may have better skin, prettier faces, and breasts - but you aren’t all perfect little angels. Jerry Seinfeld said it best when asked what guys are thinking: “nothing” … which is true in most cases, but we do have the ability, as women do, to weed out and avoid certain types of girls.
Let it be known that this list is 100% limited to girls who you would like to date. There is no shame in hooking up with a girl who has her tongue pierced - but asking her to be your girlfriend would be highly egregious. If one of my good friends started dating a chick who collected stamps or was constantly texting her mother - it would be my job to step in and take control of the situation.
Have you ever wondered why that guy never called you back? Check the list.
That’s So Fetch is known for its fearless and unapologetic lists and this is no exception. I give to you,
THE TOP 10 TYPES OF GIRLS
THAT GUYS SHOULD AVOID
BE SURE TO CHECK OUT TOP 10 TYPES OF GUYS THAT GIRLS SHOULD AVOID.
10. Collects something weird
No, I could not be more disinterested in your stamp or spoon collection. Who in the hell collects stamps or spoons? If you have more than 20 of anything in your room other than some form of media or books, you’re just weird. Your Care Bear collection from 1986 has got to go … in the trashcan.
9. Has more than two cats
If a chick has a cat or two that’s cool - even if she talks to her cat, which is a little weird, we can let it slide. But when you’ve got 4 or 5 cats and you’re bordering on being one of those old cat ladies who wears cat sweaters and can’t leave the house without her Siamese cat lapel pin, you might as well get more comfortable with the thought of a sexless existence.
8. Drank hard liquor in high school
If you’re drinking a bottle of Vodka or Jager and a chick comments on “how much she drank that in high school”, odds are that’s code for getting hammered in some college dudes’ basement at age 16 to drinking games that involved the word “strip”.
7. She’s too familiar with the morning after pill
If she has a favorite brand of morning after pill and she doesn’t have to make a phone call to find out how to acquire them, this should be more than enough reason for you to pull the plug after a couple dates.
6. Too close to her mother
Ah yes, the one that most guys overlook. You know why we overlook it? Because we are simple creatures and noticing a lower back tattoo is too easy - noticing she has an awkwardly close relationship with her mother takes a lot of effort that most guys aren’t willing to expend. Every time you get in a fight she will call her mother for her opinion and you will forever be compared to her mother’s two ex-husbands. It’s like dating two people who spend every waking moment trying to figure out why they hate you. The mother has 2 divorces and 3 broken engagements and she just wants “what’s best for her daughter”…yeah…right.
5. Reads wedding magazines even though she’s single
Weird. Scary. Irrational. Women are allowed to have an obsession with their dream wedding, but planning it when you’re single is extremely laughable. You can just see 23-year-old Mary Sue sitting in her white wicker chair in suburban Tulsa, Oklahoma reading the latest copy of Brides magazine slowly touching the vacant finger where a ring someday will be. It’s sad, really.
4. Doesn’t hesitate to beer bong or do keg stands
College is a time to party but it doesn’t mean you have to leave your dignity at the door. TSF recommends avoiding chicks who feel it necessary to show off their drinking skills by doing keg stands, beer bonging, chugging - all of these qualities make guys want to avoid getting in a serious relationship with you.
3. Had plastic surgery at a young age
Hear me out on this one. If a chick gets her nose done or liposuction at age 19, this means that in the prime of her life she was dissatisfied with her body. Think about that. She’s 19 and already feels the need to permanently alter her body? What is she going to be like at 49? Not only that, but if she’s getting $5,000 operations in high school - just think about what she’s going to want when she’s married to you and can afford more operations.
2. Has a lower back tattoo and/or tongue piercing
The most obvious entry to the list. I’m sorry ladies, but if you have your tongue pierced or a lower back tattoo it’s like 1:1 odds you give it away too easy. It’s the honest truth. And you know what? Everyone thinks that. I mean, if that’s what you’re going for in the first place then more power to you … but the rest of us rational human beings know it as the “tramp stamp”. Welcome to reality!
1. Can’t count her sexual partners on two hands
I was thinking about making this “can’t count her sexual partners on one hand”, but then I realized we all went to college at some point, right? Two hands - that’s the maximum I am allowing. When you start getting into double digits, it’s about time to start slowin’ the train down - coast on into the station and try not to sleep with the conductor.
BE SURE TO CHECK OUT TOP 10 TYPES OF GUYS THAT GIRLS SHOULD AVOID.
