You read that right.  Social networking giant, Facebook, is cracking down on one of the best parts of the human anatomy:  the nipple.  Facebook apparently has taken a disliking to pregnant women breast feeding their young and posting the pictures to their online Facebook profile.  The maternal act’s censorship has caused outraged among borderline insane women who feel it necessary to post pictures of an infant sucking on their exposed nipple.  Who the hell are you posting these pictures for?  I don’t give a shit if it’s outlawed or not, it will always be socially taboo.

WORST. LIST. EVER

Blender magazine has released their “Top 50 Worst Songs Ever” list and as a music enthusiast, I am baffled by the idiocy used to create this list.  First of all, 50 songs is entirely too long of a list.  20 songs would suffice, dudes.

I can’t express to you how much this attempt at a music history opinion by a major publication pisses me off.  These people are getting paid to make a list of the worst songs of all-time and they included a song by The Beatles.  That’s basically saying that every song Evanescence has ever recorded is better than “Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da” by The Beatles.  It’s mind-boggling.

These assholes put the following respectable songs on the list (preceded by their ranking):

48.  THE BEATLES - “OB-LA-DI, OB-LA-DA”

42.  SIMON & GARFUNKEL - “SOUND OF SILENCE”

41.  BILLY JOEL - “WE DIDN’T START THE FIRE”

21.  SPIN DOCTORS - “TWO PRINCES”

15.  THE REMBRANDTS - “I’LL BE THERE FOR YOU”

7.   BOBBY MCFERRIN - “DON’T WORRY BE HAPPY”

I don’t care if Paul McCartney and John Lennon put a microphone in the room during a colonoscopy and released it as a single, it’d still be better than half the songs ever written.  The guy who did this list doesn’t even deserve to wipe William Joel’s ass.

Here’s the list.

BEST COMMERCIAL EVER

I can’t remember if I have posted this on TSF previously.  It doesn’t matter, this is the best commercial you’ll ever see.  Trust me.

SEX OR INTERNET ACCESS?

“…Nearly half of the women questioned by Harris Interactive said they’d be willing to forgo sex for two weeks, rather than give up their Internet access, according to a study released Monday.

While 46 percent of the women surveyed were willing to engage in abstinence verses losing their Internet, only 30 percent of the men surveyed were willing to do likewise.

While 46 percent of the women surveyed were willing to engage in abstinence verses losing their Internet, only 30 percent of the men surveyed were willing to do likewise.

The U.S. survey, which queried 2,119 adults last month, found that the gap grew even wider for both men and woman who were 18 to 34 years old. For woman, the percentage of those willing to skip the sheets in favor of the Web rose to 49 percent, while it climbed to 39 percent for men…”

Here’s the best part:

“Of course when it comes to TV, perhaps size matters, at least according to a different survey earlier this year of Britons conducted by electronics retailer Comet. Almost half of the men polled said they would give up sex for six months in return for a 50-inch plasma TV…”

[read more at CNET]

This poll sucks because they should have included the trade for all sexual activity.  Which reminds me of one of the best television episodes in the history of moving picture:

FREE DIGITAL BEATLES MUSIC

I love that The Beatles are relevant and haven’t released a song in 39 years.  A blog titled after a Lindsay Lohan movie is talking about a band in which two of the members are dead and the other two are over 60.

For those who are unaware, The Beatles entire catalog has never been available digitally … until now.  Every single Beatles song will played via a legally published podcast, allowing the songs to be sold individually on the internet.  [read more here]

PAULA SOBBING VIDEO OF THE WEEK

Paula Abdul crying over nothing is always a good time.

THEY HAVE CROCS STORES?! QUICK…

GET THE CAMERA, BETTY. TAKE A

PICTURE OF ME POINTIN’ AT THE SIGN

LINDSAY HAS NO HIPS BIKINI PIC OF THE WEEK

Last year was a superb year for the motion picture business.  A lot of great movies were released and I have taken this opportunity to share with you the best of the best in each category.  It was a great year highlighted by the resurgence of the great Woody Allen and two of the best, if not the best, superhero movies in American film history.  In 2008, the late Heath Ledger graced us with one of the best performances we have ever and will ever see on the big screen.  If you haven’t seen these movies, bookmark this list and be sure to rent these movies in 2009.

Unfortunately, I haven’t had the chance to see the following films yet, which saddens me deeply because I know they are most likely great:

Frost/Nixon
Milk
Doubt

So you could basically call this The Best Movies of 2008 (not counting Milk, Frost/Nixon, or Doubt)…

THE BEST MOVIES OF 2008

COMEDY

VICKY, CRISTINA, BARCELONA

One of Woody Allen’s best of his impressive career.  FULL REVIEW

TROPIC THUNDER

Hilarious and the star-studded cast lives up to its reputation.  FULL REVIEW

FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL

One of the funniest movies I’ve seen in a long time and arguably the best in the Apatow series.

BURN AFTER READING

Pitt, Clooney, and McDormand give outstanding performances in this Cohen brothers comedy.

ANIMATED

WALL-E

One of the most likable characters in animated film history and a great story.  FULL REVIEW

DRAMA

THE BOY IN THE STRIPED PYJAMAS

One of the most touching friendships you will ever seen in a movie between two young boys, one a Nazi and one a Jew, during WWII.  FULL REVIEW

SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE

One of the top 5 movies of 2008.  Tells the story of a poor, homeless, Indian boy who becomes a millionaire overnight.  Brilliant acting and impressive in every aspect.

APPALOOSA

An underrated western directed by and starring the great Ed Harris.  FULL REVIEW

ACTION

THE DARK KNIGHT

I think everyone in America has seen this movie and knows how great it is.  The best ever in the Batman series and an awesomely scary performance by Heath Ledger as the Joker.  FULL REVIEW

IRON MAN

Downey Jr. is back and Iron Man is one of the best movies of summer ‘08.

VALKYRIE

Tom Cruise redeems himself in this WWII classic about the attempted assassination of Adolf Hitler by his own German soldiers.  Very suspenseful and definitely one of the best films of ‘08.

THE BEST MOVIE OF 2008

VICKY, CRISTINA, BARCELONA

Yes, it’s better than The Dark Knight.  Read why HERE.

It really is a shame that American nursing homes can’t get better control of their inmates.  Unfortunately, incidents such as this happen on a daily basis in this country and I am personally appalled that senile elderly are allowed internet access.  Old people can be really mean.

Below, I have exhibit A.  A comment on our Top 10 Fads That Need To Away In 2009 list made by  “Old Guy”  who has confronted TSF with a “protest” and has also included rash judgment stating that he is in fact “hotter” than me.

This incident has raised awareness around the TSF offices and has forced us to screen all comments using age-prejudice software.  I wish I could only allow 18-25-year-old chicks to access this website, but dudes and old people add to the advertising cash.

I just can’t trust someone who was around when television stations signed off with the National Anthem or people who used to hook up washing machines to kitchen sinks.  I flat out don’t like people who were alive before Hawaii and Alaska became states (1959, for those taking notes at home).

Feel free to email “old guy” at the email address above.

Love and kisses,

TSF

So here comes 2009.  We will have a new wave of celebrities to make fun of and just like every other year, marginally talented pop stars will hit it big with a catchy tune about promiscuous sex and minor drug use.  Kind of like a PG-13 movie.  Maybe Katy Perry will go away, but with pictures like this, TSF isn’t sending her off into pop culture obsolescence just yet.  Round of applause for Katy Perry’s voluptuous figure.

MORE OF THE HOTNESS

Sarah Palin’s 2009 wall calendar is evidently the number-one selling calendar on all of Amazon.com.  I don’t know about you, but seeing the cover makes me want to look at more pictures of her gripping phallic, cold steel.  The calendar features “never before seen photos, cellophane wrapped, and a pre-drilled hole for hanging” … that all sounds right up my alley.  Especially the last part.  buy it here

KEEPING WITH THE THEME

Lane Kiffin’s wife, Layla, is becoming one of the hottest chicks of 2008.  Have you seen that Seinfeld episode where Jerry congratulates a lady on being pregnant and she’s not actually pregnant?  I really can’t decide whether or not to point out her enlarged stomach … too late.

YEAH, HER TOO

Chase Daniel may be the winner between he and Lane Kiffin for the hottest counterpart.  This is his girlfriend at the University of Missouri.  Congratulations, Chase, you didn’t win the Heisman but you landed a Heisman-esque girlfriend.

BRITNEY + EYE CANDY

Two hot Australians and the new Britney.  Even if you think the new Britney isn’t hot, these chicks should suffice.

These are my 10 favorite songs from the past year.  I highly recommend them to you all….

THE TOP 10 SONGS OF 2008

LISTEN TO THE SONGS HERE:

10. “YOU KNOW WHAT” N.E.R.D.

9. “UR SO GAY” KATY PERRY

8. “YOU’RE NOT SORRY” TAYLOR SWIFT

7. “MANY SHADES OF BLACK” THE RACONTEURS

6. “WILD INTERNATIONAL” ONE DAY AS A LION

5. “EVERYBODY GET DANGEROUS” WEEZER

4. “HANDLEBARS” FLOBOTS

3. “HOMETOWN GLORY” ADELE

2. “AMSTERDAM” SHANE ALEXANDER

1. “YOU DON’T KNOW ME” BEN FOLDS

Mmmm…don’t you just love the smell of bad grammar in the morning?

As we look down the barrel of 2009, we must first look into the past and try to prevent the most annoying fads of previous years from carrying over into the last year of the decade.  2009 will lay the groundwork for the decade of the “10s” and it is essential that we weed out things like neon tights and bluetooth headsets.

Please take this time to look inside yourself and realize that your women’s jeans (for guys) need to go and your lame attempt to pick up younger men needs to cease.

That’s So Fetch gives you:

THE TOP 10 FADS THAT NEED

TO GO AWAY IN 2009

10. OLD PEOPLE ON FACEBOOK

Most of us remember the glory days of Facebook way back in 2004.  Only college students and alumni were allowed access and this aspect made Facebook one of the most exclusive and legit social networking websites on the internet.  Somewhere around 2006-2007, Facebook started to allow high-schoolers and random people off the street to have accounts.  This decision did not lead to the demise of Facebook, but did lead to pissing off its college-aged demographic.  Seeing your friend’s weird mom pop up in your mini feed or even the thought of your parents having a Facebook account is the ultimate buzz kill.

If you’re over 40, you shouldn’t have a social networking profile.  The truth hurts.

9. HEIDI MONTAG AND SPENCER PRATT

Celebrity is a word that is thrown around by the media and there’s no way in hell that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, of MTV’s The Hills “fame”, should be considered as celebrities because that would infer that they are in someway important.  They faked a wedding in Mexico and have yet to file a marriage certificate, most likely due to the fact that no one gives two shits about these assholes and they wanted something people can talk about.  I suppose TSF is a form of media and unfortunately I am talking about them - so I guess they win.  Shit.

8. 80s FASHION

Neon.  Chicks and dudes alike are currently obsessed with gaudy and bright neon colored clothing from stores like American Apparel.  All clothing styles are cyclical, but the neon tights have got to go.  Look in the mirror before you leave the house and understand that dressing like a rodeo clown isn’t attractive and never will be.  It was a short-lived fad in the 80s and will hopefully completely fade in 2009.

7. CARRYING DOGS IN OVER-SIZED TOTE BAGS

I have never understood the phenomenon of carrying a miniature dog in a purse in public places.  I have seen this act perpetrated everywhere from grocery stores and shopping malls, to car washes and restaurants.  Surely the dog is happy locked up in a cage over your shoulder with poor ventilation 5 feet off the ground.  Is this a fashion statement?  Because if it is, using a pet as an accessory is beyond laughable.

6. GROSSLY SKINNY “INDIE” ROCKERS

EAT A GOD DAMN CHEESEBURGER.  Being deathly skinny is in no way cool, but showing your rib cage through tight, V-neck t-shirts in women’s jeans has somehow become cool over the last few years.  You’re not in a rock band - and even if you are, no one is impressed.  You’re going to look at pictures of yourself 10 years from now and want to kick your own ass.

5. ACTRESSES ATTEMPTING MUSIC CAREERS

Seeing Jessica Simpson wear a cowboy hat and boots attempting (and failing) to start a country music career is the auditory equivalent of shaving my testicles with splintered balsa wood.  But seeing her “act” is just about as bad.  Let’s point out some recent actress-to-singer failures:  Scarlett Johansson, Hayden Panettiere, Hilary Duff, and Lindsay Lohan … just to name a few.

4. BLUETOOTH HEADSETS

The awful and revolting bluetooth headset fad has been discussed thoroughly on TSF’s Top 10 Chick Repellent Items of 2008 list.  Every single person who sees you wearing this heinous piece of fashion faux pas is laughing hysterically behind your back.  You look like a complete jackass.  I cannot express this enough.  Put your phone to your goddamn ear.  Only acceptable while driving… Oh, and take off your Crocs while you’re at it.

3. UGGS

You’ve got to understand that the more popular something is, the more likely people are going to think it’s annoying.  The popularity of this disgusting Australian footwear is astonishing.  I was at a shopping center the other day and counted 21 pairs of Uggs in just under 90 seconds.  I can stand the dark colored Uggs, but the original beige colored ones make you look like a retarded astronaut.  And just like Crocs, “I don’t care how comfortable Uggs are, you still look like a dumbass”.

2. COUGARS

I’m sorry ladies, it’s over.  The hot older woman thing is going out of style and you’re going to have to revert back to men with mortgages and AARP discounts.  You can stop hanging out at college bars and prowling past your 10 pm bedtime, because us twenty-somethings are going to be busy hitting on 19-year-old sorority sisters who don’t carry change or use coupons for milk.

1. PRETENDING TO BE BI-SEXUAL

The number one fad that needs to go away in 2009 is the sudden popularity of using your fake bi-sexuality to enhance a stymied entertainment career.  As popularized by Lindsay Lohan and Tila Tequila, this fad has been adopted by hot chicks who are too boring as “average” heterosexuals.  VH1’s newest reality show, A Double Shot At Love, features “bi-sexual” twins looking for love.  Katy Perry’s “I Kissed A Girl” is also a major contributor to this hopefully brief fad that TSF hopes will die in 2009.

The video features guest appearance by Molly Sims, Justin Timberlake, and Jamie-Lynn Sigler.

It’s even better than Dick In A Box, no contest.

Which reminds me of this video from the Big Bong Brothers…

I am going to step out onto a limb and say that 2008 has been somewhat of a down year for a dynamic music industry still trying to determine its identity in a iTunes-driven market.  Outside of the rock albums on this list, the rock genre hasn’t really produced any great music this year.  The Arctic Monkeys took the year off and the Foo Fighters are still touring off their immaculate 2007 release Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace, which was the best album of last year.

Before writing this list, I wanted to see what Rolling Stone was naming as their top albums of 2008.  Unfortunately, the magazine that used to have dignity has killed all outstanding integrity by awarding The Jonas Brothers’ A Little Bit Longer the number 40 album of 2008.  Jimi Hendrix must be rolling over in his grave.  They claim that TV On The Radio’s Dear Science is the #1 album of 2008…As you can see, I disagree.

My apologies for the arbitrary “7″ list.  I didn’t feel like there were 10 albums worthy enough to make this list and having only five would force me to leave off albums that deserve to be featured.

Be sure to check back for the Top 10 Songs of 2008 to be released next Monday…

THE TOP 7 ALBUMS OF 2008

7. MURDER BY DEATH ~ RED OF TOOTH AND CLAW

…This album sounds like the soundtrack to a black and white, 1930’s gangster movie.  Murder By Death fits into a dark, alternative-country niche that Johnny Cash himself would be a fan of. The production quality is excellent and it’s evident that a Grammy Award winning producer (Trina Shoemaker) was involved. Expect great things from these Bloomington, Indiana natives…

[TSF's full review here]

best song: “Steal Away“

6. PETER BRADLEY ADAMS ~ LEAVETAKING

…This record is folk-Americana-singer/songwriter goodness.  The first track, “The Longer I Run“, is the front runner of the record and definitely worth the hard drive space for those digital down-loaders out there.  Track after track, this album has a serene tone and a likable melancholy quality - good enough to relax you but not make you fall asleep…

[TSF's full review here]

best song: “The Longer I Run“

5. BEN FOLDS ~ WAY TO NORMAL

A deviation from Ben Folds’ norm, Way To Normal is a great album with some of Ben’s best writing yet.  In depth review by following link below:

[TSF's full review here]

best song: “The Frown Song“

4. SHANE ALEXANDER ~ THE SKY BELOW

…Independent artists are beginning to take over the musical landscape of the modern-day recording industry and Shane Alexander is leading the way with his latest effort, The Sky Below.  As I make a mental note of the sonic quality of this record mixed with the brilliant lyricism and professional instrumentation, I begin to question why an artist this respectable is independently funding his own career…

[TSF's full review here]

best song: “Amsterdam“

3. TAYLOR SWIFT ~ FEARLESS

…This album is a step in the right direction for an artist who is extremely dynamic and is almost single-handedly molding a new country/pop fan base.  Fearless is a magnificent piece of pop music.  It’s one of the best pop albums released since Michael Jackson’s Thriller and without-a-doubt the best female country album I have ever heard…

[TSF's full review here]

best song: “You Belong With Me“

2. THE RACONTEURS ~ CONSOLERS OF THE LONELY

Nashville’s own The Raconteurs released 2008’s best rock album and along with the Foo Fighters are becoming one of the most important rock bands of the 21st century.  This album features the best opening track of 2008 (”Consoler of the Lonely”) and successfully rocks the listener hard with songs such as “Salute Your Solution” and the stand-out track “Attention” fronted by Jack White of The White Stripes fame.  The Raconteurs showcase their deep roots in folk rock with great down-tempo tunes such as “Carolina Drama” and “Old Enough”.

best song: “Attention“

1. ADELE ~ 19

…This album is absolutely phenomenal.  If you have ever thought about taking my word on anything, take my word on this.  If you enjoy jazz or singer/songwriters with originality and an unparalleled uniqueness, Adele will not only flat your boat - she’ll drive the damn thing for you…

[TSF's full review here]

best song:  “My Same“

There’s a reason we all must love our family:  because we don’t like them.  Whether it’s your perpetually drunk step-mother or your racist uncle who doesn’t know that jorts went out of style in 1988 (to my family: don’t worry, it’s only for dramatic effect), we all need a reason to escape the madness that is Christmas.  This list highlights the best movies with a Christmas theme or movies set during the holiday season.

It’s A Wonderful Life and all those other boring movies didn’t make this list for a reason.  Miracle on 34th Street is for menopausal women and nursing home cafeterias.  I was born in the 80s damn it - give me Ernest and The Griswolds, Kevin McAlister and Charlie Brown.

THE TOP 10 MUST-WATCH

CHRISTMAS MOVIES

(from an 80s baby…)

10. ERNEST SAVES CHRISTMAS

Ernest P. Worell is a deranged and out-right insane taxi driver played perfectly by the late Jim Varney in this Christmas classic.  While Ernest Goes To Jail is the best in this series, this movie will never disappoint on any Christmas morning.  Ernest is forced to save Christmas due to the inability of Santa to have the magic to endure another Christmas season.

9. SCROOGED

You can never go wrong with Bill Murray and it’s only fitting that his only Christmas movie makes the list.  Murray plays a corporate exec approaching Christmas in an unpleasant manner, and although it’s promoted as a comedy, it’s a little too dark to be purely comedic.

8. JINGLE ALL THE WAY

Jingle All The Way is easily the cheesiest movie on this list.  In this ridiculous children’s film, the Governor of California is forced to purchase a “Turbo Man” for his son after arriving late to his karate practice.  Just like Tickle Me Elmo or X-Box toys of the past, Turbo Man is high on everyone’s Christmas list.  It’s without-a-doubt one of Arnold’s worst attempts at acting and the pure laughability of this movie earns it a spot on this list.

7. PLANES, TRAINS, & AUTOMOBILES

Ok, yeah - I know.  This movie is about two guys (Steve Martin, John Candy) on their long trip home for Thanksgiving.  I haven’t seen this movie in a few years, so I was sad to learn that it wasn’t in fact set during Christmas.  But I don’t care, damn it.  I’m making an exception.  This movie is hilarious.  Go rent ASAP.

6. YOU’VE GOT MAIL

Top 1 signs that you have bad taste in movies:  you don’t like You’ve Got Mail.  While not a pure Christmas movie, it is in fact set during the Holiday season and stars Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan in this story of love between a corporate book store developer (Hanks) and the mom and pop bookstore manager (Ryan).  You gotta love the old school AOL instant messaging and “you’ve got mail” voice guy throughout the entire movie.  Who doesn’t love a movie where two people fall in love via instant messaging?

5. HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS

The Jim Carrey remake isn’t bad, but the old school animated Grinch takes the cake.  All the movies that crack the top 5 of this list are staples of any Christmas season.

4. A CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS

Charlie Brown is one of the most likable cartoon characters of all-time and A Charlie Brown Christmas is a great story of the Christmas spirit and the real meaning of Christmas via some of the best friendships of any story ever told.

3. CHRISTMAS VACATION

Every time I drive past a 16-wheeler truck on the interstate, I picture the scene when Clark Griswold drives his station wagon underneath the trailer of an adjacent big rig.  Just one of many laugh-out-loud scenes from a hilarious movie.

2. A CHRISTMAS STORY

I can’t remember the last Christmas in which I didn’t watch A Christmas Story at least once.  Mainly because some TV station (TBS I think?) plays it consecutively for 24 hours straight on Christmas day.  Yes, it’s that good of a movie.  From the Red Ryder BB Gun, the tongue on pipe scene, and the “Frah-jee-lay…must be Italian!” line, this movie has it all.

1. HOME ALONE

If you don’t like Home Alone, I don’t want to associate with you and there’s no way in hell you’re American.  So many classic scenes and a great cameo from John Candy make this easily the number one Christmas movie of all-time.

Kevin: Can I sleep in your room? I don’t want to sleep on the hide-a bed with Fuller. If he has something to drink, he’ll wet the bed.

Buzz: I wouldn’t let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my ass.

KEEP THE CHANGE YOU FILTHY ANIMAL

We all know the now classic album cover of Nirvana’s Nevermind released just a short seventeen years ago, and now the baby on the cover seems to be cashing in from his infant fame.  Spencer Elden, now seventeen, calls himself the “Nirvana baby”, which I’m sure he uses to get laid on Saturday nights in some lame, middle-American town.  No, really - for people who are famous for really stupid-ass reasons - when do they tell people something like being on the cover of one of the most famous albums of all-time?  When they meet someone, how long do they wait before being like “…you know…I am the baby on the cover of Nirvana’s Nevermind“.  I mean, if it helps him get chicks, then more power to him.

read more on CNN.

WHO THROWS A SHOE? HONESTLY

When I first saw this video over the weekend of some guy in the middle east throwing his shoes at President Bush during a press conference, I literally thought it was a Saturday Night Live skit.  It looks like a joke.  I must say that Bush does have pretty good reflexes.  I give him props for barely even reacting.  He just kind of stands there with this “WTF” look on his face.  But let’s be honest, he usually has that look on his face.

Jimmy over at SI.com’s “Hot Clicks” and I were on the same page this morning.  The first thing that came to my mind after seeing the above video was this scene from Austin Powers:

Which leads me to these awesome gifs:

SONG OF THE WEEK

The bay area (San Francisco/Oakland) of California has some great rap music that the east coast has yet to become familiarized with yet.  Most notably, rappers Andre Nickatina and San Quinn.  For some more info on Andre Nickatina, check out my TOP 10 HIP-HOP SONGS YOU HAVEN’T HEARD list.

San Quinn has a new song called “SF Anthem” that is better than anything Kanye West’s overproduced ass has put out lately.

San Quinn - “SF Anthem”

THE OFFICE IS GOOD AGAIN

I had a post about season 5 of The Office starting to get good, and now that Pam is back in Scranton, it’s gotten even better.  The last two episodes have been fantastic.  Hulu is a great place to catch up on The Office episodes - for free.  Just in case you have 22 minutes of free time, here’s one of the episodes:

MOVIE OF THE WEEK

WALL-E

I had my doubts about this animated Pixar film about a trash compactor that basically makes noises throughout an entire movie, but it was very enjoyable.  Wall-E might be the most likable and fun character Pixar has ever created - and that’s saying a lot.  The movie also has a somewhat political and sociocultural theme in which it is set in the future and the earth has been abandoned due to an extreme abundance of trash.  Go rent it.  I am going to consider it for my Top 5 Movies of 2008 list soon to be released at the first of the year…  8/10